(郵件標題是「型男與正妹」，後面還附上了一張自己的玉照，合理懷疑她的重點是後者，科科)
當時不以為意，僅當作一件趣事分享。想不到，隔了大概半年，在東京的街頭上，竟然給我們碰到這位老兄了。
看來這就是所謂的一招行遍天下吧，也代表街頭藝人也必須正面應對全球化的競爭囉。另外，更重要的是，跟羅拉塔還真有緣，連在地球的另一端都可以看到同一個街頭藝人。
(ps. 這位街頭藝人的領帶和西裝外套看似被風吹起來的，案其實都是用鋼線固定；他實際上的表演就是跨好馬步，假裝在風中大步奔走)
2010年11月13日 星期六
2010年11月6日 星期六
31 Songs
1980出生的我，今年滿三十歲了。
這份歌單很久以前便列好了，當時選出了大概五六十首，放到我的MP3裡，花了好一陣子慢慢挑選，在出差的路上，在夜間的計程車上，我靜靜地聽，回想每首歌在我人生場景中所扮演的角色……
每個歌手 / 樂隊基本上只選一曲。原本只想選出剛好三十首，但到後來，發現這三十一首歌，沒有一首能夠刪去，於是就這樣留下來了，剛好跟Nick Hornby的書名一樣，沒有刻意抄襲的意味，但若有這樣的巧合，也是有緣了。(尼克大叔我會因此多去買幾本你的書的)
排名不分先後，歌單如下：
1. American Pie – Don McLean, American Pie (1971)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tr-BYVeCv6U&feature=related
“I knew if I had my chance, I could make those people dance, and maybe they’ll be happy for a while.”
“I can’t remember when I cried when I heard about his widowed bride. But something touches me deep inside the day the music died.”
“Do you believe in rock’n’roll? Can music save your mortal soul? Can you teach me how to dance real slow? ”
這首歌曲裡有太多的字句，都讓我感動、低迴不已。若說讀出師表不流淚者為不忠，那麼也可以說聽American Pie不感動者不是搖滾樂迷了。
2. Thunder Road – Bruce Springsteen, Born to Run (1975)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KngiJUNdsu0
破落的小鎮、髒舊的敞篷車、懵懂的少年……我並沒有度過這樣的日子，也無法理解小鎮少年的心情，我甚至沒到過美國，但卻能體會這首曲子在頹喪中的亢奮(抑或抗分中的頹喪？)以及欲擁抱世界展開新生活的期待(抑或惶恐？)。
又或許，我愛的也是這首曲子的矛盾與衝突吧？
3. Thrasher – Neil Young, Rust Never Sleeps (1979)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t00MXZKbW0M
老楊有太多名曲，太多的好唱片，也有太多感動我的時刻，然而若只能挑一首歌，那絕對是Thrasher。二十二歲的最後一天，在送我哥去坐飛機後，乘地鐵回家的路上，溫暖的陽光灑入車廂，那一刻彷彿讓我明白我已長大。那當下的情景，到現在還是如此清晰且深刻。
“It was then that I knew I had enough. Burn my credit card for fuel. Headed down to where the pavement turns to sand. With a one-way ticket to the land of truth and the suitcase in my hand, how I lost my friends, I still don’t understand.”
歌詞裡刻劃的這段情景，也是我的最愛。
4. 風神125 – 交工樂隊，菊花夜行軍 (2001)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiSDTtZMclM
波瀾壯闊的作品。風聲、泥巴香味與濃烈的情感參雜。 每次聽到此曲都讓我懷念起台灣。
5. 斷腸詩 – 伍佰，樹枝孤鳥 (1997)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvJn8g5gOoQ
太晚真正好好地認識伍佰，一直到離開台灣才體會到他的魔力。斷腸詩是我做喜歡的伍佰作品，某次返台時在午後雨中計程車裡聽到此曲，有種恍若隔世的錯覺。
6. Home – Sheryl Crow, Sheryl Crow (1996)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-IxowwuXWA
Sheryl Crow的同名專輯大概是我聽了最久的唱片之一，每隔一陣子還要拿出來重聽一遍。在這張專輯的十三曲中，這首Home不是最初吸引我的曲子，卻慢慢地成為我最常反覆哼唱的一首歌。“I woke up this morning to a sound of a breaking heart. Mine is full of questions and it’s tearing yours apart.”
7. Live Forever – Oasis, Definitely Maybe (1994)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2poqYvWsyU
如果說人生到最後只剩下一個樂隊、一張專輯、一首歌，那會是Oasis、Definitely Maybe、以及Live Forever。不為什麼，只因為他們是我最初的愛、最炙熱的癲狂，那烙印在我的心上，永遠永遠。
8. Life on Mars – David Bowie, Hunky Dory (1971)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v--IqqusnNQ
David Bowie最棒的一首曲子，充滿了天馬行空的馳騁，童趣的想像，又帶一抹淡淡的哀傷。在Hunky Dory中，David Bowie在音樂上以不同之後濃妝豔抹的素顏淡雅地詮釋了十一首曲子，成就了他最棒的作品。
(如果沒記錯，這支MV是1974年補拍的，所以把濃妝豔抹加上去了XD)
9. Nirvana – The Man who Sold the World, Unplugged (1994)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fregObNcHC8
Nirvana在最後的現場翻唱了David Bowie的這首曲子，但我一直把他視為Nirvana的曲子，因為那是如此的貼切，在這現場後的幾個月，Kurt Cobain將散彈槍含入嘴裡，扣下板機，出賣了全世界。
在巴黎自助旅行時，居住的青年旅舍裡有一台點唱機，在某個周六的夜晚我點了這曲，隔壁桌的幾個美國青年靜靜地隨著音樂打著拍子。轉眼間也已經是十年前的事情了。
10. The Wild Ones - Suede, Dogman Star (1994)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0SuX1IvJys
“We’re the wild ones running with dogs today.”希望有一天我也如此灑脫。自選的喪禮歌曲之一。
11. Disco 2000 – Pulp, Different Class (1995)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfdxfjokAdY&feature=related
比起平民界的國歌Common People，我更愛這首Disco 2000。Jarvis Cocker以其一貫苦樂相伴、酸甜雜呈的白描手法，寫出了這首直擊我心裡的曲子。
12. Good Vibrations – Beach Boys, Smile (1967)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCeD_6Y3GQc&feature=related
Brian Wilson的口袋交響曲，如此完美如此悅耳，史上最棒的作品之一。 有時候我懷疑若當時Brian Wilson沒有精神崩潰的話，能否寫出那麼了不起的作品？
13. Shower Your Love – Kula Shaker, Peasants, Pigs and Astronauts (1999)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwKYldVQ8-4
即便Kula Shaker不如其他Brit-pop樂隊那樣鼎鼎大名、占據音樂史上重要地位，但他們的這曲Shower Your Love依然是我最心愛的曲子之一。腦中反覆播放率相當高。
14. Every Breath You Take – The Police, Synchronicity (1983)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMOGaugKpzs
或許你們會覺得奇怪，坦白說至今我也不了解，為何當時小學會教這首歌，但這確實是我到倫敦的小學學的第一首英文歌，第二首呢，嗯，Careless Whispers。（誰說只有台灣的教育出了問題？）
長大以後才發現，基本上這是一首描寫Stalker的曲子。然而，每次都會讓我想起教我們這曲的女老師，雖然她只教了我不到三個月，至今我也忘卻了她的姓名，但那卻是我到陌生環境後第一張友善的臉孔、第一個溫暖的懷抱。
15. Linger – The Cranberries, Everybody Else is Doing It, So Why Can’t We? (1993)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6Kspj3OO0s
小紅莓大概是我第一個有意識喜歡的樂隊（這句話看起來怪怪的，但確實是這樣），也讓我初探「另類」之門。這曲Linger也不是最初吸引我的曲子，但最後卻是最耐聽的曲子之一。
16. Satellite of Love – Lou Reed, Transformer (1972)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FH2EgYq_NCY
無論是在VU時期或是Lou Reed單飛以後的版本，都是我心愛的作品。VU版本最前面還有兩句“In this world as we know it, sorrow comes and goes. Now we see the human race has puts its footprints on the moons face.”很長一段時期這成了我最喜歡哼唱的兩句歌詞。
還記得我第一份工作時期，看著那棟大樓點起燈，在繁華的夜景裡有著一種莫名的溫柔，當時腦子裡盤旋的就是這曲Satellite of Love。
17. (Song for My) Sugar Spun Sister – The Stone Roses, The Stones Roses (1989)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQnELW-7yZw&feature=fvw
坦白說我一開始並沒有很喜歡石玫瑰。還記得當時在宇宙城買下他們同名專輯十週年版，某種程度只是為了趕小眾的流行，買回來後塵封在唱片架上好一陣子。直到要出國念研究所的前一天，和媽媽去拜拜時，腦子裡開始不斷反覆播放這張唱片，某種程度的中毒現象，從起我變成了石玫瑰迷。
這首曲子可能很容易被石玫瑰迷所遺忘，因為這張專輯裡時在有太多曲子可以供後世傳唱爭頌，但我就是很愛2:58到3:07那一小段樂器小小的Jam，加上Ian Brown切進來的vocal，對我來說那就是八零年代的最最美好，也預示了九零年代brit-pop的誕生。
18. Head Over Feat – Alanis Morissette, Jagged Little Pills (1995)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iuO49jbovg
Alanis Morissette可以算是我第一個搖滾繆司，當時我視她為全世界最酷的女生了。那些憤怒、喧囂，是我對搖滾樂最初的瞭解與悸動。這首Head Over Feet委委唱出愛戀的情緒，那間奏也讓我愛上口琴這個樂器。
19. Strawberry Fields Forever – The Beatles, Magical Mystery Tour (1967)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8A4r2RU1u3g
披頭呀披頭，要訴說這個樂隊對我的影響以及聽他們音樂的感動與故事，講也講不完。若要挑一首曲子，那就是永遠的草莓園。那兒就是我的應許之地。
20. A Case of You – Joni Mitchell, Blue (1971)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YuaZcylk_o
Joni Mitchell是我的女神，她的Blue陪我度過無數個夜晚。A Case of You更是令我醉心的一曲。有誰能不愛這個女子呢？我常這樣自問。
21. Desolation Row – Bob Dylan, Highway 61 Revisited (1965)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XuxWYEw4prQ&feature=related
(我實在找不到原唱專輯的版本，好心的大德若找到煩請提供。沒辦法，我只得拿youtube上這首反轉惡搞版本的來充數一下。)
很長一段時間，我被一個問題所困擾：究竟我最愛的Bob Dylan歌曲是哪一首？Desolation Row與Tangled Up in Blues兩曲在不同的時期互有高下。如果要為自己過往的三十年下一個註腳，我還是選了Desolation Row。畢竟他陪我度過了太多的時刻。
22. Range Life – Pavement, Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain (1994)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQHstA0cZDw
從第一次聽到這曲我就愛上了它。一點點失焦、一點點戲謔、一點點憤世嫉俗。更主要是因為那悅耳的曲調，以及“I want a ranged life if I can settle down.”的呼喊。
23. Something Better – Marianne Faithfull, The Rolling Stones Rock'n'Roll Circus (1968)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCIj7Bztc9g
(影片最末的2:37。我一直覺得她是對嘴的？！)
一直覺得這曲充滿了詭異的瑰麗情調，歌詞更是神祕：“Say hey have you heard blue whiskey’s the rage? I’ll send you a jug in the morning. It’s absurd to be living in a cage. You know there’s got to be something better.”
還記得Marianne Faithfull穿著常襬蓬裙，側身坐在滾石的搖滾馬戲團裡，靜靜地唱著此曲，與曲子中的荒誕與不解相同。07年初我經常反覆播放此曲，期盼找到something better。
24. Gypsy – Suzanne Vega, Solitue Standing (1987)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyNR7UnrCWg
Suzanne Vega十七歲時寫下的歌曲，對一個男孩的依戀，這首歌成了我最愛的Suzanne Vega曲子，也成為了我對她的依戀。帶著浪漫稚氣的曲子，卻又如此恰到好處，如此單純而美好。
25. No Surprises – Radiohead, OK Computer (1997)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgzeqwhNTDk
曾經這首歌對我來說是龐大悲傷的具體體現；曾經這首歌與這個樂隊因為成了自溺界的國歌，令我對之嗤之以鼻；然而到了現在回頭再聽這曲，我又找回了當初的感覺。或許就是見山是山，見山不是山，見山又是山的心情轉折吧。
26. 並不 – 張懸，親愛的…我還不知道 (2007)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQx44ftgxL4&feature=related
這首歌給我的二十四五歲下了最好的註腳。謝謝妳。
27. Sea of Love – Cat Power, The Cover Record (2000)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbMeAOTPJzM
這首曲子是最孤獨的情歌了。
28. (What’s So Funny About) Peace, Love and Understanding? – Elvis Costello, Armed Forces (1979)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6RVDQgVxprE
2005年，在我初出社會，初次嚐到社會的競爭壓力與背後的權利糾葛時，這首歌給了我力量。那樣大大方方的熱血態度，對於和平、愛與相互理解的呼喊，絕對是要不斷拿出來提醒自己的人生準則。
29. Stephanie Says – The Velvet Underground, 1969
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8jGKp4kbeM
VU有很多名曲，但這首歌卻是我私心最愛。在PTT2的暱稱依然還是沿用了這句「阿拉斯加真的好冷」。
30. Shine a Light – The Rolling Stones, Exile on Main Street (1972)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EnD8_uWKLc
或許騷動與躁亂是滾石的特徵，但這首Shine A Light脫離了此一範疇，用近似唱聖歌的方式，如夕陽般溫暖。03年個人的年度歌曲。
31. Hallelujah – John Cale, Fragments of a Rainy Season (1992)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEOZLQ3d1FI
Leonard Cohen的名曲，卻由John Cale翻唱後更廣為人知。我最偏愛John Cale在這張現場中翻唱的版本，雖說只有鋼琴伴奏，卻絲毫不減其憂鬱雄渾，其中還帶點無可奈何的戲謔犬儒。
這份歌單很久以前便列好了，當時選出了大概五六十首，放到我的MP3裡，花了好一陣子慢慢挑選，在出差的路上，在夜間的計程車上，我靜靜地聽，回想每首歌在我人生場景中所扮演的角色……
每個歌手 / 樂隊基本上只選一曲。原本只想選出剛好三十首，但到後來，發現這三十一首歌，沒有一首能夠刪去，於是就這樣留下來了，剛好跟Nick Hornby的書名一樣，沒有刻意抄襲的意味，但若有這樣的巧合，也是有緣了。(尼克大叔我會因此多去買幾本你的書的)
排名不分先後，歌單如下：
1. American Pie – Don McLean, American Pie (1971)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tr-BYVeCv6U&feature=related
“I knew if I had my chance, I could make those people dance, and maybe they’ll be happy for a while.”
“I can’t remember when I cried when I heard about his widowed bride. But something touches me deep inside the day the music died.”
“Do you believe in rock’n’roll? Can music save your mortal soul? Can you teach me how to dance real slow? ”
這首歌曲裡有太多的字句，都讓我感動、低迴不已。若說讀出師表不流淚者為不忠，那麼也可以說聽American Pie不感動者不是搖滾樂迷了。
2. Thunder Road – Bruce Springsteen, Born to Run (1975)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KngiJUNdsu0
破落的小鎮、髒舊的敞篷車、懵懂的少年……我並沒有度過這樣的日子，也無法理解小鎮少年的心情，我甚至沒到過美國，但卻能體會這首曲子在頹喪中的亢奮(抑或抗分中的頹喪？)以及欲擁抱世界展開新生活的期待(抑或惶恐？)。
又或許，我愛的也是這首曲子的矛盾與衝突吧？
3. Thrasher – Neil Young, Rust Never Sleeps (1979)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t00MXZKbW0M
老楊有太多名曲，太多的好唱片，也有太多感動我的時刻，然而若只能挑一首歌，那絕對是Thrasher。二十二歲的最後一天，在送我哥去坐飛機後，乘地鐵回家的路上，溫暖的陽光灑入車廂，那一刻彷彿讓我明白我已長大。那當下的情景，到現在還是如此清晰且深刻。
“It was then that I knew I had enough. Burn my credit card for fuel. Headed down to where the pavement turns to sand. With a one-way ticket to the land of truth and the suitcase in my hand, how I lost my friends, I still don’t understand.”
歌詞裡刻劃的這段情景，也是我的最愛。
4. 風神125 – 交工樂隊，菊花夜行軍 (2001)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiSDTtZMclM
波瀾壯闊的作品。風聲、泥巴香味與濃烈的情感參雜。 每次聽到此曲都讓我懷念起台灣。
5. 斷腸詩 – 伍佰，樹枝孤鳥 (1997)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvJn8g5gOoQ
太晚真正好好地認識伍佰，一直到離開台灣才體會到他的魔力。斷腸詩是我做喜歡的伍佰作品，某次返台時在午後雨中計程車裡聽到此曲，有種恍若隔世的錯覺。
6. Home – Sheryl Crow, Sheryl Crow (1996)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-IxowwuXWA
Sheryl Crow的同名專輯大概是我聽了最久的唱片之一，每隔一陣子還要拿出來重聽一遍。在這張專輯的十三曲中，這首Home不是最初吸引我的曲子，卻慢慢地成為我最常反覆哼唱的一首歌。“I woke up this morning to a sound of a breaking heart. Mine is full of questions and it’s tearing yours apart.”
7. Live Forever – Oasis, Definitely Maybe (1994)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2poqYvWsyU
如果說人生到最後只剩下一個樂隊、一張專輯、一首歌，那會是Oasis、Definitely Maybe、以及Live Forever。不為什麼，只因為他們是我最初的愛、最炙熱的癲狂，那烙印在我的心上，永遠永遠。
8. Life on Mars – David Bowie, Hunky Dory (1971)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v--IqqusnNQ
David Bowie最棒的一首曲子，充滿了天馬行空的馳騁，童趣的想像，又帶一抹淡淡的哀傷。在Hunky Dory中，David Bowie在音樂上以不同之後濃妝豔抹的素顏淡雅地詮釋了十一首曲子，成就了他最棒的作品。
(如果沒記錯，這支MV是1974年補拍的，所以把濃妝豔抹加上去了XD)
9. Nirvana – The Man who Sold the World, Unplugged (1994)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fregObNcHC8
Nirvana在最後的現場翻唱了David Bowie的這首曲子，但我一直把他視為Nirvana的曲子，因為那是如此的貼切，在這現場後的幾個月，Kurt Cobain將散彈槍含入嘴裡，扣下板機，出賣了全世界。
在巴黎自助旅行時，居住的青年旅舍裡有一台點唱機，在某個周六的夜晚我點了這曲，隔壁桌的幾個美國青年靜靜地隨著音樂打著拍子。轉眼間也已經是十年前的事情了。
10. The Wild Ones - Suede, Dogman Star (1994)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0SuX1IvJys
“We’re the wild ones running with dogs today.”希望有一天我也如此灑脫。自選的喪禮歌曲之一。
11. Disco 2000 – Pulp, Different Class (1995)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfdxfjokAdY&feature=related
比起平民界的國歌Common People，我更愛這首Disco 2000。Jarvis Cocker以其一貫苦樂相伴、酸甜雜呈的白描手法，寫出了這首直擊我心裡的曲子。
12. Good Vibrations – Beach Boys, Smile (1967)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCeD_6Y3GQc&feature=related
Brian Wilson的口袋交響曲，如此完美如此悅耳，史上最棒的作品之一。 有時候我懷疑若當時Brian Wilson沒有精神崩潰的話，能否寫出那麼了不起的作品？
13. Shower Your Love – Kula Shaker, Peasants, Pigs and Astronauts (1999)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwKYldVQ8-4
即便Kula Shaker不如其他Brit-pop樂隊那樣鼎鼎大名、占據音樂史上重要地位，但他們的這曲Shower Your Love依然是我最心愛的曲子之一。腦中反覆播放率相當高。
14. Every Breath You Take – The Police, Synchronicity (1983)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMOGaugKpzs
或許你們會覺得奇怪，坦白說至今我也不了解，為何當時小學會教這首歌，但這確實是我到倫敦的小學學的第一首英文歌，第二首呢，嗯，Careless Whispers。（誰說只有台灣的教育出了問題？）
長大以後才發現，基本上這是一首描寫Stalker的曲子。然而，每次都會讓我想起教我們這曲的女老師，雖然她只教了我不到三個月，至今我也忘卻了她的姓名，但那卻是我到陌生環境後第一張友善的臉孔、第一個溫暖的懷抱。
15. Linger – The Cranberries, Everybody Else is Doing It, So Why Can’t We? (1993)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6Kspj3OO0s
小紅莓大概是我第一個有意識喜歡的樂隊（這句話看起來怪怪的，但確實是這樣），也讓我初探「另類」之門。這曲Linger也不是最初吸引我的曲子，但最後卻是最耐聽的曲子之一。
16. Satellite of Love – Lou Reed, Transformer (1972)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FH2EgYq_NCY
無論是在VU時期或是Lou Reed單飛以後的版本，都是我心愛的作品。VU版本最前面還有兩句“In this world as we know it, sorrow comes and goes. Now we see the human race has puts its footprints on the moons face.”很長一段時期這成了我最喜歡哼唱的兩句歌詞。
還記得我第一份工作時期，看著那棟大樓點起燈，在繁華的夜景裡有著一種莫名的溫柔，當時腦子裡盤旋的就是這曲Satellite of Love。
17. (Song for My) Sugar Spun Sister – The Stone Roses, The Stones Roses (1989)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQnELW-7yZw&feature=fvw
坦白說我一開始並沒有很喜歡石玫瑰。還記得當時在宇宙城買下他們同名專輯十週年版，某種程度只是為了趕小眾的流行，買回來後塵封在唱片架上好一陣子。直到要出國念研究所的前一天，和媽媽去拜拜時，腦子裡開始不斷反覆播放這張唱片，某種程度的中毒現象，從起我變成了石玫瑰迷。
這首曲子可能很容易被石玫瑰迷所遺忘，因為這張專輯裡時在有太多曲子可以供後世傳唱爭頌，但我就是很愛2:58到3:07那一小段樂器小小的Jam，加上Ian Brown切進來的vocal，對我來說那就是八零年代的最最美好，也預示了九零年代brit-pop的誕生。
18. Head Over Feat – Alanis Morissette, Jagged Little Pills (1995)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iuO49jbovg
Alanis Morissette可以算是我第一個搖滾繆司，當時我視她為全世界最酷的女生了。那些憤怒、喧囂，是我對搖滾樂最初的瞭解與悸動。這首Head Over Feet委委唱出愛戀的情緒，那間奏也讓我愛上口琴這個樂器。
19. Strawberry Fields Forever – The Beatles, Magical Mystery Tour (1967)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8A4r2RU1u3g
披頭呀披頭，要訴說這個樂隊對我的影響以及聽他們音樂的感動與故事，講也講不完。若要挑一首曲子，那就是永遠的草莓園。那兒就是我的應許之地。
20. A Case of You – Joni Mitchell, Blue (1971)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YuaZcylk_o
Joni Mitchell是我的女神，她的Blue陪我度過無數個夜晚。A Case of You更是令我醉心的一曲。有誰能不愛這個女子呢？我常這樣自問。
21. Desolation Row – Bob Dylan, Highway 61 Revisited (1965)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XuxWYEw4prQ&feature=related
(我實在找不到原唱專輯的版本，好心的大德若找到煩請提供。沒辦法，我只得拿youtube上這首反轉惡搞版本的來充數一下。)
很長一段時間，我被一個問題所困擾：究竟我最愛的Bob Dylan歌曲是哪一首？Desolation Row與Tangled Up in Blues兩曲在不同的時期互有高下。如果要為自己過往的三十年下一個註腳，我還是選了Desolation Row。畢竟他陪我度過了太多的時刻。
22. Range Life – Pavement, Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain (1994)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQHstA0cZDw
從第一次聽到這曲我就愛上了它。一點點失焦、一點點戲謔、一點點憤世嫉俗。更主要是因為那悅耳的曲調，以及“I want a ranged life if I can settle down.”的呼喊。
23. Something Better – Marianne Faithfull, The Rolling Stones Rock'n'Roll Circus (1968)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCIj7Bztc9g
(影片最末的2:37。我一直覺得她是對嘴的？！)
一直覺得這曲充滿了詭異的瑰麗情調，歌詞更是神祕：“Say hey have you heard blue whiskey’s the rage? I’ll send you a jug in the morning. It’s absurd to be living in a cage. You know there’s got to be something better.”
還記得Marianne Faithfull穿著常襬蓬裙，側身坐在滾石的搖滾馬戲團裡，靜靜地唱著此曲，與曲子中的荒誕與不解相同。07年初我經常反覆播放此曲，期盼找到something better。
24. Gypsy – Suzanne Vega, Solitue Standing (1987)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyNR7UnrCWg
Suzanne Vega十七歲時寫下的歌曲，對一個男孩的依戀，這首歌成了我最愛的Suzanne Vega曲子，也成為了我對她的依戀。帶著浪漫稚氣的曲子，卻又如此恰到好處，如此單純而美好。
25. No Surprises – Radiohead, OK Computer (1997)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgzeqwhNTDk
曾經這首歌對我來說是龐大悲傷的具體體現；曾經這首歌與這個樂隊因為成了自溺界的國歌，令我對之嗤之以鼻；然而到了現在回頭再聽這曲，我又找回了當初的感覺。或許就是見山是山，見山不是山，見山又是山的心情轉折吧。
26. 並不 – 張懸，親愛的…我還不知道 (2007)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQx44ftgxL4&feature=related
這首歌給我的二十四五歲下了最好的註腳。謝謝妳。
27. Sea of Love – Cat Power, The Cover Record (2000)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbMeAOTPJzM
這首曲子是最孤獨的情歌了。
28. (What’s So Funny About) Peace, Love and Understanding? – Elvis Costello, Armed Forces (1979)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6RVDQgVxprE
2005年，在我初出社會，初次嚐到社會的競爭壓力與背後的權利糾葛時，這首歌給了我力量。那樣大大方方的熱血態度，對於和平、愛與相互理解的呼喊，絕對是要不斷拿出來提醒自己的人生準則。
29. Stephanie Says – The Velvet Underground, 1969
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8jGKp4kbeM
VU有很多名曲，但這首歌卻是我私心最愛。在PTT2的暱稱依然還是沿用了這句「阿拉斯加真的好冷」。
30. Shine a Light – The Rolling Stones, Exile on Main Street (1972)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EnD8_uWKLc
或許騷動與躁亂是滾石的特徵，但這首Shine A Light脫離了此一範疇，用近似唱聖歌的方式，如夕陽般溫暖。03年個人的年度歌曲。
31. Hallelujah – John Cale, Fragments of a Rainy Season (1992)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEOZLQ3d1FI
Leonard Cohen的名曲，卻由John Cale翻唱後更廣為人知。我最偏愛John Cale在這張現場中翻唱的版本，雖說只有鋼琴伴奏，卻絲毫不減其憂鬱雄渾，其中還帶點無可奈何的戲謔犬儒。
2010年5月23日 星期日
十年（X）
我的第一場演唱會應該是小學一或二年級，媽媽的同學請我們母子三人去看甄妮的秀，依稀記得那是在西門町某棟樓的頂層，當時已是秀場文化的末期，甄妮可以算是最後具有號召力的秀場明星了。知道媽媽愛聽歌，所以她同學特別買了最貴的票，配上牛排套餐共五百元，結果哥哥和我吃完牛排以後就睡的不省人事，甄妮出來唱不到兩首歌，媽媽就帶我們回家了。
「我同學一直唸我，怎麼才看甄妮兩眼就走人了，那可是貴賓券呀，」媽媽那陣子常把這件事情拿出來當玩笑講，「沒辦法，當時已經快十點了，他們兄弟倆愛睏了。」印象中我只在半夢半醒之間撇到了甄妮一眼，穿什麼樣的服裝、唱怎樣的歌則是一丁點都記不得了。如此想想，這好像也很難稱作為我的演唱會初體驗。
很長一段時間我的生活裡沒有演唱會或任何型式的現場演出。即便大學時身處於台灣地下 / 主流樂隊風起雲湧的時代，我也鮮少去聽表演，主要是當時一頭栽入老搖滾的世界裡，對本土的樂隊不熟悉，另更有貴古賤今的大小眼，總覺得沒有二十年以上歷史的音樂不吸引人，每每感嘆自己生不逢時，沒趕上波瀾壯闊的六、七０年代，卻忽略了自己所處環境與場域中，觸手可及的好音樂。
交工樂隊的一場演唱會改變了一切。
那是交工樂隊拿到金曲獎最佳樂隊後的第一場演出，活大擠滿了聽眾。「這也是交工樂隊第一場爆滿的表演！」冠吾如此宣稱，台下爆出了附和的歡呼聲。氧化物和我搶到了後排的位子，原本暗暗自喜身旁坐了個正妹，一探頭才赫然發現竟然是羅拉塔和鐵人。
那場演出主要是《菊花夜行軍》的曲目，生祥與冠吾一首歌一首歌的解說、帶唱，原本敖口刺耳的客家歌謠登時轉化成了情感豐沛的樂曲，全場跟著唱和、打拍子，汗水從我們的前額流下，歌聲從我們的心底流洩而出。那是我第一次感受到現場演出的魔力。
「我哭了，」散場後氧化物說。情緒尚無法平復的我，只有重重的喘著氣，將椰林大道上略帶涼意的空氣大口大口吸入肺裡，再緩緩吐出。
重返倫敦，被碩士班沈重的課業壓的喘不過氣來，除了偶爾為了疏壓採買唱片，著實沒有餘裕也沒有行動力去參與夢寐以求的各式演唱會。直到下學期，某次在超市翻閱Q雜誌的時候，發現Beth Orton在Royal Albert Hall有一場演出，才興致勃勃地買了票，參加第一場在倫敦的演出。當台上的Beth Orton敲打著鈴鼓，台下的我湧出了某些體悟，回去後寫下了這樣的文字：「這個抱著吉他彈唱、搖鈴鼓、俏皮地罵髒話的女人對我有一種無法言喻的吸引力。或許這正是我的困境吧：對於那些有個性、有想法、有才氣的女孩子我總是相當欣賞、甚至著迷，但問題是這樣的女孩子都不會喜歡像我這樣的男生。唉，無可奈何呀。」
現在看來還真是一語成讖。
在倫敦的日子我把握機會完成了一些年少的夢想：跟著Paul McCartney與全場上萬的歌迷大聲反覆高聲唱著“Na, na, na, nanana, na, nanana, na, Hey Jude!!!”；與一群牛山濯濯的歐吉桑跟著台上Keith Richards的Brown Sugar吉他和弦，與Mick Jagger一同先舉起左手「Yeah」、右手「Yeah」、再左手「Yeah」，最後雙手高舉並且躍起地大喊「Woooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!」；看著老楊低下頭，露出光禿禿的一片後腦杓，獨自彈著吉他，吟唱著那些曾經給他帶來巨大、耀眼光環，而他又想要將之拋棄的曲子，那當下我隱隱約約覺得這個光景會深刻地影響我的人生，六七年過去了，那樣的概念依然以某種模模糊糊地團塊的形式存在我心底。
回到台灣後偶爾看表演，開始工作前的那個冬天，在女巫店聽了雷光夏的演出，在子夜的街頭和柯老姐與其友人反覆唱著〈逝〉的最後兩句歌詞：「你我就像散開在風中飛揚的棉絮 / 注定要生生世世流浪在天際」，彷彿在緬懷那不曾擁有過的無垢青春；開始工作後的那個夏天，同樣在女巫店看彼時尚未成名的張懸表演，留著短髮怯生生的她一首一首唱著，當〈並不〉的前奏響起時，我撥出了電話，然而，沒有回音，我錄下了一段在她的語音留言裡，但從來沒問過她是否聽到了。
有些演出則帶著告別性的意味。
04年初The Wall的表演成了我的最後一場珊妮的演唱會，「開演前我就對柯老姐說，我會跟珊妮跟到唱〈四季〉，然後就不會再去看她的表演了。這個念頭在上次河岸流言的表演時便已存在，在人權演唱會時成形。或許是因為對她的新歌越來越不熟，引起的共鳴越來越小，又或許是表演方式吧，但那都不是主要的原因，我想，那是一種儀式性的終結，對於屬於自己的曾經，就像我決定放棄旅行一樣。」當天隨著珊妮唱和完〈四季〉後，除了在音樂祭偶然經過珊妮的舞台以外，我再也沒看過她的演出。
當年的秋虎祭，我帶著向羅拉塔借來的睡袋，在烏來國小聽了兩天一夜的音樂，秋虎祭的最後一天，一個略顯炎熱的十月午後，我枕著睡袋、拿著啤酒，躺在舞台左側聽著1976，望著蔚藍的天空，「大概是我最後一個年輕的夏天了，」就這樣，我向來得極遲、走得很趕且沒有留下太多印記的青春期說了再見。
08年在原本安排的規劃落空後，我展開了一段旅行，先到了瑞士找羅拉塔與鐵人，然後再次重返倫敦。在倫敦的幾個晚上，我前往了幾場演唱會，先到劍橋在近到幾乎被Jason Pierce的口水噴到的距離裡，聽了Spiritualized的現場；接著到了Richard Hawley首次於Royal Albert Hall的場子，Jarvis Cocker大叔還意外地現身與其合唱了一首關於新年的曲子；隔天去了Roger Waters在O2的演唱會，當他開口唱到“Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun…”我和全場一起幾乎失控地接著大唱著“…Shine on your crazy diamond!”
最後我參加了Paul Weller在Hammersmith Apollo的演唱會，那天剛好也是Paul Weller五十歲的生日，當全場幫他合唱生日快樂時，我便隱隱約約知道有什麼即將發生，果然下個瞬間，Noel出現了。他們合唱了The Beatles的All You Need Is Love：
「我同學一直唸我，怎麼才看甄妮兩眼就走人了，那可是貴賓券呀，」媽媽那陣子常把這件事情拿出來當玩笑講，「沒辦法，當時已經快十點了，他們兄弟倆愛睏了。」印象中我只在半夢半醒之間撇到了甄妮一眼，穿什麼樣的服裝、唱怎樣的歌則是一丁點都記不得了。如此想想，這好像也很難稱作為我的演唱會初體驗。
很長一段時間我的生活裡沒有演唱會或任何型式的現場演出。即便大學時身處於台灣地下 / 主流樂隊風起雲湧的時代，我也鮮少去聽表演，主要是當時一頭栽入老搖滾的世界裡，對本土的樂隊不熟悉，另更有貴古賤今的大小眼，總覺得沒有二十年以上歷史的音樂不吸引人，每每感嘆自己生不逢時，沒趕上波瀾壯闊的六、七０年代，卻忽略了自己所處環境與場域中，觸手可及的好音樂。
交工樂隊的一場演唱會改變了一切。
那是交工樂隊拿到金曲獎最佳樂隊後的第一場演出，活大擠滿了聽眾。「這也是交工樂隊第一場爆滿的表演！」冠吾如此宣稱，台下爆出了附和的歡呼聲。氧化物和我搶到了後排的位子，原本暗暗自喜身旁坐了個正妹，一探頭才赫然發現竟然是羅拉塔和鐵人。
那場演出主要是《菊花夜行軍》的曲目，生祥與冠吾一首歌一首歌的解說、帶唱，原本敖口刺耳的客家歌謠登時轉化成了情感豐沛的樂曲，全場跟著唱和、打拍子，汗水從我們的前額流下，歌聲從我們的心底流洩而出。那是我第一次感受到現場演出的魔力。
「我哭了，」散場後氧化物說。情緒尚無法平復的我，只有重重的喘著氣，將椰林大道上略帶涼意的空氣大口大口吸入肺裡，再緩緩吐出。
重返倫敦，被碩士班沈重的課業壓的喘不過氣來，除了偶爾為了疏壓採買唱片，著實沒有餘裕也沒有行動力去參與夢寐以求的各式演唱會。直到下學期，某次在超市翻閱Q雜誌的時候，發現Beth Orton在Royal Albert Hall有一場演出，才興致勃勃地買了票，參加第一場在倫敦的演出。當台上的Beth Orton敲打著鈴鼓，台下的我湧出了某些體悟，回去後寫下了這樣的文字：「這個抱著吉他彈唱、搖鈴鼓、俏皮地罵髒話的女人對我有一種無法言喻的吸引力。或許這正是我的困境吧：對於那些有個性、有想法、有才氣的女孩子我總是相當欣賞、甚至著迷，但問題是這樣的女孩子都不會喜歡像我這樣的男生。唉，無可奈何呀。」
現在看來還真是一語成讖。
在倫敦的日子我把握機會完成了一些年少的夢想：跟著Paul McCartney與全場上萬的歌迷大聲反覆高聲唱著“Na, na, na, nanana, na, nanana, na, Hey Jude!!!”；與一群牛山濯濯的歐吉桑跟著台上Keith Richards的Brown Sugar吉他和弦，與Mick Jagger一同先舉起左手「Yeah」、右手「Yeah」、再左手「Yeah」，最後雙手高舉並且躍起地大喊「Woooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!」；看著老楊低下頭，露出光禿禿的一片後腦杓，獨自彈著吉他，吟唱著那些曾經給他帶來巨大、耀眼光環，而他又想要將之拋棄的曲子，那當下我隱隱約約覺得這個光景會深刻地影響我的人生，六七年過去了，那樣的概念依然以某種模模糊糊地團塊的形式存在我心底。
回到台灣後偶爾看表演，開始工作前的那個冬天，在女巫店聽了雷光夏的演出，在子夜的街頭和柯老姐與其友人反覆唱著〈逝〉的最後兩句歌詞：「你我就像散開在風中飛揚的棉絮 / 注定要生生世世流浪在天際」，彷彿在緬懷那不曾擁有過的無垢青春；開始工作後的那個夏天，同樣在女巫店看彼時尚未成名的張懸表演，留著短髮怯生生的她一首一首唱著，當〈並不〉的前奏響起時，我撥出了電話，然而，沒有回音，我錄下了一段在她的語音留言裡，但從來沒問過她是否聽到了。
有些演出則帶著告別性的意味。
04年初The Wall的表演成了我的最後一場珊妮的演唱會，「開演前我就對柯老姐說，我會跟珊妮跟到唱〈四季〉，然後就不會再去看她的表演了。這個念頭在上次河岸流言的表演時便已存在，在人權演唱會時成形。或許是因為對她的新歌越來越不熟，引起的共鳴越來越小，又或許是表演方式吧，但那都不是主要的原因，我想，那是一種儀式性的終結，對於屬於自己的曾經，就像我決定放棄旅行一樣。」當天隨著珊妮唱和完〈四季〉後，除了在音樂祭偶然經過珊妮的舞台以外，我再也沒看過她的演出。
當年的秋虎祭，我帶著向羅拉塔借來的睡袋，在烏來國小聽了兩天一夜的音樂，秋虎祭的最後一天，一個略顯炎熱的十月午後，我枕著睡袋、拿著啤酒，躺在舞台左側聽著1976，望著蔚藍的天空，「大概是我最後一個年輕的夏天了，」就這樣，我向來得極遲、走得很趕且沒有留下太多印記的青春期說了再見。
08年在原本安排的規劃落空後，我展開了一段旅行，先到了瑞士找羅拉塔與鐵人，然後再次重返倫敦。在倫敦的幾個晚上，我前往了幾場演唱會，先到劍橋在近到幾乎被Jason Pierce的口水噴到的距離裡，聽了Spiritualized的現場；接著到了Richard Hawley首次於Royal Albert Hall的場子，Jarvis Cocker大叔還意外地現身與其合唱了一首關於新年的曲子；隔天去了Roger Waters在O2的演唱會，當他開口唱到“Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun…”我和全場一起幾乎失控地接著大唱著“…Shine on your crazy diamond!”
最後我參加了Paul Weller在Hammersmith Apollo的演唱會，那天剛好也是Paul Weller五十歲的生日，當全場幫他合唱生日快樂時，我便隱隱約約知道有什麼即將發生，果然下個瞬間，Noel出現了。他們合唱了The Beatles的All You Need Is Love：
（如殺豬般大叫“Noel!!!!”的就是我。抱歉，當時太激動了。）
曾經All You Need Is Love是我最討厭的披頭歌曲，但從那以後我開始學著去欣賞這首歌。
我曾經以為那可能是我離他們最近的一刻了。直到2009年4月3日。
**** **** **** ****
2009年4月2日。
當天晚上我接待了一團來訪的學者，晚上跟著應酬，我心裡想著那一堆 還沒處理完的事情，邊聽著宴席的雙方一來一往似乎永遠不會完結而且全都在網路上看過的過期黃色笑話。應酬結束後我回辦公室，看了看時鐘：將近十點。我吐了 一口氣，靠著絕佳的躲酒技術，很好，沒有什麼酒味，然後開始埋首工作。夜深人靜的辦公室沒有電話打擾，更有效率，到凌晨一點，工作終於告一段落，休假期間 的交接也安排好了。我回到住處開始整理行李，清理房間，一切落定，時針與分針建構出了一個完美的九十度角，三點了。
我開著電視，躺在床 上，等待時間到來。這樣的姿態讓我想到五年多以前在巴黎的最後一個晚上，那個夜晚是全市的慶典，整個晚上都有活動，我的學姐先帶著我去羅浮宮聽了一場詩歌 吟誦會，然後我們沿著古老的街道漫步穿梭，回到飯店也是將近三點，四點鐘要起床，趕上往阿姆斯特丹的火車。我和衣躺下，旅館外面仍然充滿了喧囂，人們徹夜 談話、狂歡，透過薄薄的紗簾可以看到遠處的煙火，有著中世紀嘉年華的復古味道……
我從假寐中驚醒，五年多後，一樣是四點，沒有煙火，沒有 人群，窗外只有仍凜冽的空氣與夜間的守衛。巴黎？天津？阿姆斯特丹？台北？我陷入微微的錯亂，身處何地？要往哪去？我用熱水沖醒自己，換上衣服，跳上車。 在機場又確認了一次：我的目標是Oasis。從機窗外面見到的雲彩，讓我想起Whatever的封面，我將隨身聽切到這曲，懷著如同當年在忠孝復興的T- wave買到這張單曲的興奮的心情，期待著。
我換上了唯一的一件淺藍色Oasis T恤，在捷運站與HL及柯老姐會合，也巧遇了ZP，於是便一同前往表演的場館，場館外已經排了長長的人龍。有人持著大大的米字旗，有化著煙燻妝身著皮衣的 搖滾客，也有帶著害羞神情低著頭的文藝青年。
進場時1976暖場也告結束。現場大聲地放起了The Beatles和Led Zeppelin等古老卻又熟悉的曲子，我們隨意跟著音樂哼唱。然後，燈光暗了下來，全場響起歡呼，燈光亮起，Fucking in the Bushes的節奏響起，眾人的跳動使地板上下震盪。光影閃爍間，那五個人的身影出現。
登時，回憶湧了上來：
買入 Definitely Maybe的夏日午後火紅色的Les Paul吉他老師自彈自唱關於淡水鐵蛋的認真表情Jimi Hendrix Janis Joplin Jim Morrison 27歲的死亡CDAm和弦與割破的手指拿鐵罐攻擊歌迷的Kurt Cobain塑膠恐龍紙牌遊戲與Slide Away引Live Forever歌詞寫給P的信復活節島上的石像面孔與美國南方小鎮的鐵橋別回到小岩城再浪費一年呀I DON’T BELIEVE YOU YOU’RE A LIAR椰林大道下午第一堂課Penny Lane上All around the world it’s gonna be ok系學會外的Girl Who Wears the Dirty Shirt MTV台兩兄弟的廣告洋蔥的爭吵與無法彌補的破裂宇宙城公館玫瑰大眾誠品古柯鹼大麻嘔吐Magic Bus改彈Bass期末考迎新的午後小雪茄Sister of Mercy20歲昏睡的午後This is My Truth Now Tell Me Yours尼采S加油站我最喜歡的旅行階段就是在車上看風景一幕幕過去Gypsy大法師銀色Sony新竹家的沙發Fade Away開始前深深吸的一口氣聖誕節前夕紫色與黃色視聽教室的耳機Beatles Anthology黑白1968年的Paul McCartney教父I II密集書庫Hey stay young and invincible高雄妹史研所肥皂味保力龍白色胸罩Country House這是我女朋友西雅圖夜未眠1999年尼克隊Because we need each other we believe in one and another 606傅鐘尼斯香檳新星五四三寺廟All Things Must Pass一年期的長榮來回機票Sugar Spun Sister 8/27維尼小熊Everybody’s had a wet dream everybody saw the sunshine凱芮從妳的洞穴裡出來吧多吃蔬菜注意保暖1984中研院下一個是誰Rosebury暗藍的傍晚哭泣雙層巴士檔案庫香腸捲There’s a starman waiting in the sky踩著冰塊上吊Great Dover Street炸魚薯條Berwick Street滑蛋叉燒飯24小小福Sainsbury記事本的留言塗鴉鬍子SELECTADISCFOPP青蘋果味廉價洗髮水May the good lord shine a light on you紅樓夢珍寧我腦子有些連我自己都不願面對的東西御飯團djangos紅色101豹紋內褲無印良品歲花領帶金莎並不等三個月吧Oh you pretty things廉價床墊中秋節計程車antenna丁香菸上海Satellite of Love黑輪舞台AESAE在清晨的炙氣中the sweetest thing舞台印尼炒飯星巴克包子新光三越雞腿飯麻辣鍋陽台並不Hello Kitty白色奧迪What’s so funny about peace, love & understanding?刮過擋風玻璃的雨刷最最美好告別Simple Twist of Fate新宿淺草六本木御茶水自由之丘地下室24小時I heard there was a secret chord王建民6.1局完全比賽韓式泡菜those were days of roses poetries and prose寫寫寫寫寫改改改改改GRETOEFL讀書計畫論文大綱改造I went insane like a smoke-ring day when the wind blows屏東高雄瑞士倫敦先生女士我們正漂浮於太空中獵頭選擇I thought a small part of you would be a little bit sad to see me go天津自己的房間It’s hard to be living in cage咒罵期待我願意落空北京百子灣路Yellow Ledbetter路邊有斷頭的蜻蜓到後座吧天堂在路的那一頭等著我們切片蕃茄Tina Fey你願意娶我嗎you’re back in your neighborhood cigarette taste so good你怎麼說呢你又無法將本來屬於我的夢給予我
Fuckin' In The Bushes
Rock'n' Roll Star
Lyla
The Shock Of The Lightning
Cigarettes & Alcohol
The Meaning Of Soul
To Be Where There's Life
Waiting For The Rapture
The Masterplan
Songbird
Slide Away
Morning Glory
Ain't Got Nothin'
The Importance Of Being Idle
I'm Outta Time
Wonderwall
Supersonic
Don't Look Back In Anger
Falling Down
Champagne Supernova
I Am The Walrus
2010年3月6日 星期六
My Songs Of 2009
其實在去年年底就排好了這份歌單，但深受河蟹之亂，苦無法貼到Blog上。以下是我2009年私心最愛的歌曲，全都不是09年出品的作品，由此可見我一直保持穩定落後時代潮流的腳步；這些曲子在去年的某些時刻，深刻地影響、感動了我。排名不分先後，但依照編排專輯的概念排序，建議依序聆聽。在此和各位朋友分享。
1. Wilco - Misunderstood
如果09年要挑出一張最愛的唱片，我毫不猶豫會選Wilco / Kicking Television這套現場雙CD。我一向喜歡現場的錄音，而這套他們回到家鄉的演出實況更是已經列為我心目中的經典作品，無論音樂或是我個人私密情感上皆然。
2. The Pretenders – Stop Your Sobbing
“Reign Over Me”這部片子裡，Adam Sandler以滑版車載著Don Cheadle在大街上遊逛時，這段音樂流洩了出來。除了他們的友情，更吸引我的是他們重新擁抱純真的勇氣，一如The Pretenders這一曲，從第一句的旋律就令人跌入懷念的氛圍中。
3. 張懸 – 模樣
「我一直明白要和你走一段」。曾經我有過這樣的期待，學會拋去那些綺麗的、不切實際的幻想是去年最大的學習與成長。
（抑或失敗和退縮？）
4. Oasis – Don’t Look Back In Anger
2009年4月2日，我十年前不敢奢求的夢想，竟然真的達成了。其實想想，把參加一場演唱會視為人生最了不起的夢想，實在是很愚蠢又很胸無大志，但我是那麼樣的喜歡懷抱著癡傻願望的那個自己。
Noel Gallagher的現場吉他的版本，是我過去所不敢想像的完美詮釋。對我來說，這是過去十年最美好的註腳。
5. Michael Jackson – Rock With You
在大家列舉出的MJ名曲中，這首歌猜想不會進入排名中，甚至很容易被遺忘吧。但對我來說，這首歌與其搭配的陽春MV、俗豔服飾、蹩腳舞步，卻能喚起我對他最美好的回憶。
6. Pete Townshend – Let My Love Open The Door
送給自己，當作是鼓勵自己的加油歌吧。（握拳）
7. The Smiths – There’s A Light That Never Goes Out
將這曲送給不再聯絡的老朋友、過往的迷戀以及那些自那些以為的慘綠日子。
8. James – Getting Away With It (All Messed Up)
究竟是我的錯誤記憶，還是真的那支MV被回收了？我一直記得Getting Away With It (All Messed Up)有一支MV，是飛機飛過高樓，然後大家搖著頭唱著Getting away with it all messed up, that’s the living，然後MV的結尾大家輪流說著 “pleased to meet you”。總之，這首歌與這張專輯也是找了七八年，終於尋獲。09年的重大發現之一。
9. The Flaming Lips – Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robot
The Flaming Lips剛以良美大戰粉紅機器人大紅特紅時，我買了一張他們的Transmissions From The Satellite Heart以及The Soft Bulletin來聽，當時只覺得普普，便沒把他們放在心上。想不到數年後重聽此專輯，還真有相逢恨晚的惆悵。真是近幾年來令人激賞的作品。
10. 張楚 - 孤獨的人是可恥的
剛開始聽音樂時，便耳聞張楚其人與其音樂。據說後來從一創作人成為了到各大小晚會上獻唱流行音樂討生活的歌手，令人不勝欷噓。這曲現在聽來依然感染力十足。
11. Elvis Presley – Pocketful of Rainbows
七月底，凌晨三點，從哈爾濱機場往市中心旅館的路上，我邊聽著此曲，邊望著窗外漸漸亮起的天空。第一次覺得貓王打動了我。
12. 伍佰 – 斷腸詩
如果09年要挑出排名第二最愛的專輯以及單曲（汗），那麼伍佰的《樹枝孤鳥》以及這首〈斷腸詩〉絕對是首選（咦，第二名了，還可以用「首」選嗎？中文造詣太爛，抱歉。）
去年四月回台，在午後雨中的計程車裡聽到這曲，有一種恍若隔世的錯覺。
13. Sondre Lerche – Modern nature
Dan In Real Life片尾曲，這部片不是說挺好，但有點像我當時對於Elizabethtown的中毒症狀，只要HBO一放我就會乖乖坐下來重看一次，上次還看到差點趕不上回台灣的飛機。
另，這也是我為自己找的婚禮歌曲之一。還好我的壓箱寶沒有全部用在羅拉塔和柯老姐婚禮上，嘿嘿。
14. Pearl Jam – Yellow Ledbetter
前幾年瘋狂購入珍珠果醬的現場專輯，此曲也收了不少版本，通常都是在演唱會末尾時出現此曲，每當吉他前奏一響起，全場便陷入瘋狂。縱然無法理解Eddie Vedder究竟在唱什麼，但這還是我最愛的珍珠果醬曲子。
15. Auld Lang Syne
我09年的年度歌曲，古老的蘇格蘭民謠。一直找不到這首歌的最佳版本，至少在特定歌手的專輯裡沒發現。通常不是唱的太美聲，就是太有個性。
我一直覺得此曲應該在繁華落盡後，由眾人一齊大合唱，走音也好，掉拍也罷，這是一首應該由大家齊聲歌唱，回想曾經離開、逝去、拋棄的那些老友。
以下兩個電影片段是我覺得最適合這首歌的意境了。
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And days o' auld lang syne?
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne;
We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet
For days of auld lang syne.
And here's a hand, my trusty friend
And gie'd a hand o' thine
And we'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet
For auld lang syne
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne;
We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet
For days of auld lang syne.
1. Wilco - Misunderstood
如果09年要挑出一張最愛的唱片，我毫不猶豫會選Wilco / Kicking Television這套現場雙CD。我一向喜歡現場的錄音，而這套他們回到家鄉的演出實況更是已經列為我心目中的經典作品，無論音樂或是我個人私密情感上皆然。
2. The Pretenders – Stop Your Sobbing
“Reign Over Me”這部片子裡，Adam Sandler以滑版車載著Don Cheadle在大街上遊逛時，這段音樂流洩了出來。除了他們的友情，更吸引我的是他們重新擁抱純真的勇氣，一如The Pretenders這一曲，從第一句的旋律就令人跌入懷念的氛圍中。
3. 張懸 – 模樣
「我一直明白要和你走一段」。曾經我有過這樣的期待，學會拋去那些綺麗的、不切實際的幻想是去年最大的學習與成長。
（抑或失敗和退縮？）
4. Oasis – Don’t Look Back In Anger
2009年4月2日，我十年前不敢奢求的夢想，竟然真的達成了。其實想想，把參加一場演唱會視為人生最了不起的夢想，實在是很愚蠢又很胸無大志，但我是那麼樣的喜歡懷抱著癡傻願望的那個自己。
Noel Gallagher的現場吉他的版本，是我過去所不敢想像的完美詮釋。對我來說，這是過去十年最美好的註腳。
5. Michael Jackson – Rock With You
在大家列舉出的MJ名曲中，這首歌猜想不會進入排名中，甚至很容易被遺忘吧。但對我來說，這首歌與其搭配的陽春MV、俗豔服飾、蹩腳舞步，卻能喚起我對他最美好的回憶。
6. Pete Townshend – Let My Love Open The Door
送給自己，當作是鼓勵自己的加油歌吧。（握拳）
7. The Smiths – There’s A Light That Never Goes Out
將這曲送給不再聯絡的老朋友、過往的迷戀以及那些自那些以為的慘綠日子。
8. James – Getting Away With It (All Messed Up)
究竟是我的錯誤記憶，還是真的那支MV被回收了？我一直記得Getting Away With It (All Messed Up)有一支MV，是飛機飛過高樓，然後大家搖著頭唱著Getting away with it all messed up, that’s the living，然後MV的結尾大家輪流說著 “pleased to meet you”。總之，這首歌與這張專輯也是找了七八年，終於尋獲。09年的重大發現之一。
9. The Flaming Lips – Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robot
The Flaming Lips剛以良美大戰粉紅機器人大紅特紅時，我買了一張他們的Transmissions From The Satellite Heart以及The Soft Bulletin來聽，當時只覺得普普，便沒把他們放在心上。想不到數年後重聽此專輯，還真有相逢恨晚的惆悵。真是近幾年來令人激賞的作品。
10. 張楚 - 孤獨的人是可恥的
剛開始聽音樂時，便耳聞張楚其人與其音樂。據說後來從一創作人成為了到各大小晚會上獻唱流行音樂討生活的歌手，令人不勝欷噓。這曲現在聽來依然感染力十足。
11. Elvis Presley – Pocketful of Rainbows
七月底，凌晨三點，從哈爾濱機場往市中心旅館的路上，我邊聽著此曲，邊望著窗外漸漸亮起的天空。第一次覺得貓王打動了我。
12. 伍佰 – 斷腸詩
如果09年要挑出排名第二最愛的專輯以及單曲（汗），那麼伍佰的《樹枝孤鳥》以及這首〈斷腸詩〉絕對是首選（咦，第二名了，還可以用「首」選嗎？中文造詣太爛，抱歉。）
去年四月回台，在午後雨中的計程車裡聽到這曲，有一種恍若隔世的錯覺。
13. Sondre Lerche – Modern nature
Dan In Real Life片尾曲，這部片不是說挺好，但有點像我當時對於Elizabethtown的中毒症狀，只要HBO一放我就會乖乖坐下來重看一次，上次還看到差點趕不上回台灣的飛機。
另，這也是我為自己找的婚禮歌曲之一。還好我的壓箱寶沒有全部用在羅拉塔和柯老姐婚禮上，嘿嘿。
14. Pearl Jam – Yellow Ledbetter
前幾年瘋狂購入珍珠果醬的現場專輯，此曲也收了不少版本，通常都是在演唱會末尾時出現此曲，每當吉他前奏一響起，全場便陷入瘋狂。縱然無法理解Eddie Vedder究竟在唱什麼，但這還是我最愛的珍珠果醬曲子。
15. Auld Lang Syne
我09年的年度歌曲，古老的蘇格蘭民謠。一直找不到這首歌的最佳版本，至少在特定歌手的專輯裡沒發現。通常不是唱的太美聲，就是太有個性。
我一直覺得此曲應該在繁華落盡後，由眾人一齊大合唱，走音也好，掉拍也罷，這是一首應該由大家齊聲歌唱，回想曾經離開、逝去、拋棄的那些老友。
以下兩個電影片段是我覺得最適合這首歌的意境了。
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And days o' auld lang syne?
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne;
We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet
For days of auld lang syne.
And here's a hand, my trusty friend
And gie'd a hand o' thine
And we'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet
For auld lang syne
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne;
We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet
For days of auld lang syne.
2010年2月5日 星期五
十年(IX)
「她是你妹妹嗎？」
同事看到我拿蘋果給st時這麼問。我帶著點訝異笑著搖了搖頭。那圓圓的眼睛、臉龐、甚至是身軀，確實有幾番類似。st喀啦喀啦地咬著我給她的蘋果，清脆的聲音迴盪在午後的辦公室，為緊繃的工作氛圍帶來了一絲慵懶又俏皮的氣息。
那是我在紅色大樓工作的第一年。當時我需要找個工讀生協助處理事務，於是透過網路找到了st，其實早前我就透過PTT2上的文章認識她，在某場充滿戲劇化與顛狂的選舉前夕，st寫下了她父親所不曾擁有而她所能夠得到的，關於自由、希望以及遺憾，我將那篇文章轉回自己的版上收藏，並開始透過她的書寫閱讀她的生活。見到她回應我應徵工讀生的啟事，我帶著訝異與竊喜，立即回應並選中了她。
st工讀的日子在匯整資料、打電話中度過。有時候我會看到她站在樓的側邊的那個小陽台，望著樓下車水馬龍的街道、遠方的象山、或是對面那一小塊在寸土寸金的台北曼哈頓裡異常突兀的荒地，兩隻手指夾著跟細細的菸，漫不經心的吞吐著。相較其他到陽台抽菸的女孩兒，她像是拿著棒棒糖似的，抽菸彷彿僅是一種姿態，或是隨時可以割捨的小小甜頭。
專案結束，st的工讀也告一段落。我們約了在台大附近將工讀的費用拿給她，順便一起吃個飯。那晚，她坐在教堂外公車站牌旁的長凳上等我，出神似地想著什麼事，我開玩笑般地不發一語，「砰」地坐到了她的身邊，順著她的眼光往對面望去，當我努力想要透過學校的圍欄、路上川流的車潮企圖發現她所凝視的是什麼時，st將頭靠在我肩膀上，像是測試似的，「你香香軟軟的，好像龍貓唷，」她心滿意足地說。
我無可奈何地微微嘆了一口氣。
同事看到我拿蘋果給st時這麼問。我帶著點訝異笑著搖了搖頭。那圓圓的眼睛、臉龐、甚至是身軀，確實有幾番類似。st喀啦喀啦地咬著我給她的蘋果，清脆的聲音迴盪在午後的辦公室，為緊繃的工作氛圍帶來了一絲慵懶又俏皮的氣息。
那是我在紅色大樓工作的第一年。當時我需要找個工讀生協助處理事務，於是透過網路找到了st，其實早前我就透過PTT2上的文章認識她，在某場充滿戲劇化與顛狂的選舉前夕，st寫下了她父親所不曾擁有而她所能夠得到的，關於自由、希望以及遺憾，我將那篇文章轉回自己的版上收藏，並開始透過她的書寫閱讀她的生活。見到她回應我應徵工讀生的啟事，我帶著訝異與竊喜，立即回應並選中了她。
st工讀的日子在匯整資料、打電話中度過。有時候我會看到她站在樓的側邊的那個小陽台，望著樓下車水馬龍的街道、遠方的象山、或是對面那一小塊在寸土寸金的台北曼哈頓裡異常突兀的荒地，兩隻手指夾著跟細細的菸，漫不經心的吞吐著。相較其他到陽台抽菸的女孩兒，她像是拿著棒棒糖似的，抽菸彷彿僅是一種姿態，或是隨時可以割捨的小小甜頭。
專案結束，st的工讀也告一段落。我們約了在台大附近將工讀的費用拿給她，順便一起吃個飯。那晚，她坐在教堂外公車站牌旁的長凳上等我，出神似地想著什麼事，我開玩笑般地不發一語，「砰」地坐到了她的身邊，順著她的眼光往對面望去，當我努力想要透過學校的圍欄、路上川流的車潮企圖發現她所凝視的是什麼時，st將頭靠在我肩膀上，像是測試似的，「你香香軟軟的，好像龍貓唷，」她心滿意足地說。
我無可奈何地微微嘆了一口氣。
飯後我們前往「個體戶」，通過狹小的樓梯走道，上到那間充滿霉味的二手唱片行。「嘿，幫我挑一張唱片吧，」st說，「妳想要怎樣的唱片？」「不知道，適合我現在心情的吧。」「那，妳現在是怎樣的心情呢？」
她很認真的想了一陣子，側著頭，帶著微笑說：「戀愛中吧。」
**** **** **** ****
我也認識和st戀愛中的br。在倫敦時某個準備考試的夜晚，我踅到了他的版，發現了彼此有某些類似之處。br在大西洋的另一端，喜歡老搖滾、小說、Austin Powers、自己下廚、練習單手打蛋、騎著單車到附近的亞洲商店買沙士；為了看Bob Dylan的演唱會，他坐了數個小時的火車，跨越一個又一個燥熱且有濃重口音的南方城市，窩在廉價骯髒的旅館；br總有逃亡的念頭，看到戶頭裡匯進來的公費時，捲款浪跡天涯的想法就會冒出來；就像任何一個搖滾樂手以及愛好者，他也有毀棄自己人生的衝動，只是當時我以為那僅是一個青澀而浪漫的構想而已。
我寫了封長信給他介紹自己，從此透過網路開始分享彼此的生活。某次br提到手上有The Beatles / White Album的studio session，我推文表示相當羨慕，「不用只是羨慕，我可是有空白光碟片和燒錄機的喔，」不久後我就收到一個裝有八片光碟片的包裹，在純白的燒錄片上，他像是怕留下痕跡，又像是仿擬White Album的浮水印似地，淡淡地用鉛筆註明了各個take與次序。我將CD放入player中，不同於專輯中的歌曲詮釋，四人彈奏、交談的斷片，以及錄音室瀰漫的緊張、迷濛的氣氛夾著老舊的「斯斯」聲響從喇叭中流洩出來。那幾片光碟，連同特價啤酒、炸魚薯條、和煦的夏日傍晚與David Bowie，陪伴我度過寫論文的那段日子。
st、br和我在同一個空間相遇，br和我透過古老的音符與對於惡趣味的欣賞維持千里神交的關係，st和我從雇傭關係進階到了成為在雨中等公車的龍貓與小女孩，而st與br則在戀愛中。
「他會唱歌給我聽，」st說，「透過越洋電話，我點歌，他唱。」印象中她提到的歌曲有黃與藍，用殘破的記憶與邏輯推理，現在的我會說br唱的是黃韻玲的〈藍色啤酒海〉：
藍色啤酒海 我想要一個小孩
有時候乖 有時候壞
寂寞時候 希望和棕櫚戀愛
「我決定去找他。」st說，純潔而堅定的祈使句讓人無法質問。我選了Bob Dylan的Highway 61 Revisied和Blood on the Tracks，拿到櫃臺結帳，送給了她。「通常我不會送戀愛中的人這兩張唱片，但這算是特例。」她甜甜地笑著收下了。
離開唱片行時天空下起了微微細雨，我撐著便利商店買來的便宜折疊傘，送她穿過夜晚的台大校園，回到辛亥路科技大樓附近的租屋處。在這間學校四年，那卻只是我第四次到辛亥路一帶，上一次就是畢業典禮當天，那個悶熱的早晨我腦中不斷播放著The Beatles的I’ve Got a Feeling，畢業典禮結束後和家人到天母吃了越南菜。「轉眼間也已經是兩年前的事了呀，」一個人往回走時我這麼想。
**** **** **** ****
「就要出發去找你了」
st那陣子的文章總是這麼開頭。「男人」這個詞彙也從指涉生物的生理性徵狀態成為了她對於br的稱呼。「男人對他的前途充滿迷惘，但對於我們的愛堅定無比。」br不再書寫了，只能透過st的文字，約略解讀出他似乎不想繼續學業與當下的生活，原因不明。她開始找房子，希望以後兩人能一起生活，當擁有了兩個人的小窩後，她要和他親自下廚款待朋友們。她問了我愛吃什麼，然後在我的名字後面，很認真地寫下了「肉食」兩個字。
即便承受了來自經濟、家庭、學業的壓力，st仍出發前往世界的另一端尋找br。隔了一陣子有朋友在她版上留言，表示家人找不到她，相當擔心，希望她能報個平安，但不見她的回音。
不久後我收到一封她寄來的明信片，昏暗破舊的廉價旅館伴著棕櫚樹，讓人想起The Eagles的Hotel California。「現在是凌晨五點，」st在明信片後面這麼寫，男人在樓下的賭場賭二十一點，在南方的城市裡，彷彿是Lou Reed的陰暗街頭融合了Johnny Cash的古柯鹼藍調，他以Nicholas Cage在Leaving Las Vegas的方式賭著，持續拋出手上的籌碼。「躺在床鋪的另一端，看著天空緩緩亮起，我突然好想家。」st在明信片的末尾寫道。
**** **** **** ****
隔一年的冬天，我遞出辭呈的那個夜晚，我站上st曾經待過的樓側面的那個陽台，望著底下的車水馬龍與那片荒地，按下play鍵，靜靜聽著沈沒於南方密西西比河的Jeff Buckley唱出這首詭異、不知所以、充滿宗教般純潔信仰卻混合著世俗肉慾的曲子，Hallelujah。
I heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Well baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Well there was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me do you?
And remember when I moved in you?
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who'd out drew you
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen in the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah
「你去哪裡了？怎麼找不到你？」
我的AE發現我時這麼問，她隨即看見我的耳機，露出了一種釋然的笑。我猜想她應該是理解錯誤了，不過我從沒有打算抗辯。
2010年1月29日 星期五
J.D. Salinger, 1919-2010
Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around — nobody big, I mean — except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff — I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I'd do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be. I know it's crazy.
遇到人生的關鍵時，我就會拿起《麥田捕手》，重新再讀一遍。它給我的不是勇氣、夢想，或任何積極而正向的鼓舞，而是某種被了解的寬慰。
再見了，麥田捕手，再也沒有人能同你這般描寫迷惘與失落。
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/29/books/29salinger.html?pagewanted=1&hp
J. D. Salinger, Literary Recluse, Dies at 91
By CHARLES McGRATH
Published: January 28, 2010
J. D. Salinger, who was thought at one time to be the most important American writer to emerge since World War II but who then turned his back on success and adulation, becoming the Garbo of letters, famous for not wanting to be famous, died on Wednesday at his home in Cornish, N.H., where he had lived in seclusion for more than 50 years. He was 91.
Mr. Salinger’s literary representative, Harold Ober Associates, announced the death, saying it was of natural causes. “Despite having broken his hip in May,” the agency said, “his health had been excellent until a rather sudden decline after the new year. He was not in any pain before or at the time of his death.”
Mr. Salinger’s literary reputation rests on a slender but enormously influential body of published work: the novel “The Catcher in the Rye,” the collection “Nine Stories” and two compilations, each with two long stories about the fictional Glass family: “Franny and Zooey” and “Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters and Seymour: An Introduction.”
“Catcher” was published in 1951, and its very first sentence, distantly echoing Mark Twain, struck a brash new note in American literature: “If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where I was born and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don’t feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.”
Though not everyone, teachers and librarians especially, was sure what to make of it, “Catcher” became an almost immediate best seller, and its narrator and main character, Holden Caulfield, a teenager newly expelled from prep school, became America’s best-known literary truant since Huckleberry Finn.
With its cynical, slangy vernacular voice (Holden’s two favorite expressions are “phony” and “goddam”), its sympathetic understanding of adolescence and its fierce if alienated sense of morality and distrust of the adult world, the novel struck a nerve in cold war America and quickly attained cult status, especially among the young. Reading “Catcher” used to be an essential rite of passage, almost as important as getting your learner’s permit.
The novel’s allure persists to this day, even if some of Holden’s preoccupations now seem a bit dated, and it continues to sell more than 250,000 copies a year in paperback. Mark David Chapman, who killed John Lennon in 1980, even said the explanation for his act could be found in the pages of “The Catcher in the Rye.” In 1974 Philip Roth wrote, “The response of college students to the work of J. D. Salinger indicates that he, more than anyone else, has not turned his back on the times but, instead, has managed to put his finger on whatever struggle of significance is going on today between self and culture.”
Many critics were more admiring of “Nine Stories,” which came out in 1953 and helped shape writers like Mr. Roth, John Updike and Harold Brodkey. The stories were remarkable for their sharp social observation, their pitch-perfect dialogue (Mr. Salinger, who used italics almost as a form of musical notation, was a master not of literary speech but of speech as people actually spoke it) and the way they demolished whatever was left of the traditional architecture of the short story — the old structure of beginning, middle, end — for an architecture of emotion, in which a story could turn on a tiny alteration of mood or irony. Mr. Updike said he admired “that open-ended Zen quality they have, the way they don’t snap shut.”
Mr. Salinger also perfected the great trick of literary irony — of validating what you mean by saying less than, or even the opposite of, what you intend. Orville Prescott wrote in The New York Times in 1963, “Rarely if ever in literary history has a handful of stories aroused so much discussion, controversy, praise, denunciation, mystification and interpretation.”
As a young man Mr. Salinger yearned ardently for just this kind of attention. He bragged in college about his literary talent and ambitions, and wrote swaggering letters to Whit Burnett, the editor of Story magazine. But success, once it arrived, paled quickly for him. He told the editors of Saturday Review that he was “good and sick” of seeing his photograph on the dust jacket of “The Catcher in the Rye” and demanded that it be removed from subsequent editions. He ordered his agent to burn any fan mail. In 1953 Mr. Salinger, who had been living on East 57th Street in Manhattan, fled the literary world altogether and moved to a 90-acre compound on a wooded hillside in Cornish. He seemed to be fulfilling Holden’s desire to build himself “a little cabin somewhere with the dough I made and live there for the rest of my life,” away from “any goddam stupid conversation with anybody.”
He seldom left, except occasionally to vacation in Florida or to visit William Shawn, the almost equally reclusive former editor of The New Yorker. Avoiding Mr. Shawn’s usual (and very public) table at the Algonquin Hotel, they would meet under the clock at the old Biltmore Hotel, the rendezvous for generations of prep-school and college students.
After Mr. Salinger moved to New Hampshire his publications slowed to a trickle and soon stopped completely. “Franny and Zooey” and “Raise High the Roof Beam,” both collections of material previously published in The New Yorker, came out in 1961 and 1963, and the last work of Mr. Salinger’s to appear in print was “Hapworth 16, 1924,” a 25,000-word story that took up most of the June 19, 1965, issue of The New Yorker.
In 1997 Mr. Salinger agreed to let Orchises Press, a small publisher in Alexandria, Va., bring out “Hapworth” in book form, but he backed out of the deal at the last minute. He never collected the rest of his stories or allowed any of them to be reprinted in textbooks or anthologies. One story, “Uncle Wiggily in Connecticut,” was turned into “My Foolish Heart,” a movie so bad that Mr. Salinger was never tempted to sell film rights again.
Befriended, Then Betrayed
In the fall of 1953 he befriended some local teenagers and allowed one of them to interview him for what he assumed would be an article on the high school page of a local paper, The Claremont Daily Eagle. The article appeared instead as a feature on the editorial page, and Mr. Salinger felt so betrayed that he broke off with the teenagers and built a six-and-a-half-foot fence around his property.
He seldom spoke to the press again, except in 1974 when, trying to fend off the unauthorized publication of his uncollected stories, he told a reporter from The Times: “There is a marvelous peace in not publishing. It’s peaceful. Still. Publishing is a terrible invasion of my privacy. I like to write. I love to write. But I write just for myself and my own pleasure.”
And yet the more he sought privacy, the more famous he became, especially after his appearance on the cover of Time in 1961. For years it was a sort of journalistic sport for newspapers and magazines to send reporters to New Hampshire in hopes of a sighting. As a young man Mr. Salinger had a long, melancholy face and deep soulful eyes, but now, in the few photographs that surfaced, he looked gaunt and gray, like someone in an El Greco painting. He spent more time and energy avoiding the world, it was sometimes said, than most people do in embracing it, and his elusiveness only added to the mythology growing up around him.
Depending on one’s point of view, he was either a crackpot or the American Tolstoy, who had turned silence itself into his most eloquent work of art. Some believed he was publishing under an assumed name, and for a while in the late 1970s, William Wharton, author of “Birdy,” was rumored to be Mr. Salinger, writing under another name, until it turned out that William Wharton was instead a pen name for the writer Albert du Aime.
In 1984 the British literary critic Ian Hamilton approached Mr. Salinger with the notion of writing his biography. Not surprisingly, Mr. Salinger turned him down, saying he had “borne all the exploitation and loss of privacy I can possibly bear in a single lifetime.” Mr. Hamilton went ahead anyway, and in 1986, Mr. Salinger took him to court to prevent the use of quotations and paraphrases from unpublished letters. The case went all the way to the Supreme Court, and to the surprise of many, Mr. Salinger eventually won, though not without some cost to his cherished privacy. (In June 2009 he also sued Fredrik Colting, the Swedish author and publisher of a novel said to be a sequel to “The Catcher in the Rye.” In July a federal judge indefinitely enjoined publication of the book.)
Mr. Salinger’s privacy was further punctured in 1998 and again in 2000 with the publication of memoirs by, first, Joyce Maynard — with whom he had a 10-month affair in 1973, when Ms. Maynard was a college freshman — and then his daughter, Margaret. Some critics complained that both women were trying to exploit and profit from their history with Mr. Salinger, and Mr. Salinger’s son, Matthew, wrote in a letter to The New York Observer that his sister had “a troubled mind,” and that he didn’t recognize the man portrayed in her account. Both books nevertheless added a creepy, Howard Hughesish element to the Salinger legend.
Mr. Salinger was controlling and sexually manipulative, Ms. Maynard wrote, and a health nut obsessed with homeopathic medicine and with his diet (frozen peas for breakfast, undercooked lamb burger for dinner). Ms. Salinger said that her father was pathologically self-centered and abusive toward her mother, and to the homeopathy and food fads she added a long list of other enthusiasms: Zen Buddhism, Vedanta Hinduism, Christian Science, Scientology and acupuncture. Mr. Salinger drank his own urine, she wrote, and sat for hours in an orgone box.
But was he writing? The question obsessed Salingerologists, and in the absence of real evidence, theories multiplied. He hadn’t written a word for years. Or, like the character in the Stanley Kubrick film “The Shining,” he wrote the same sentence over and over again. Or like Gogol at the end of his life, he wrote prolifically but then burned it all. Ms. Maynard said she believed there were at least two novels locked away in a safe, though she had never seen them.
Early Life
Jerome David Salinger was born in Manhattan on New Year’s Day, 1919, the second of two children. His sister, Doris, who died in 2001, was for many years a buyer in the dress department at Bloomingdale’s. Like the Glasses, the Salinger children were the product of a mixed marriage. Their father, Sol, was a Jew, the son of a rabbi, but sufficiently assimilated that he made his living importing both cheese and ham. Their mother, Marie Jillisch, was of Irish descent, born in Scotland, but changed her first name to Miriam to appease her in-laws. The family was living in Harlem when Mr. Salinger was born, but then, as Sol Salinger’s business prospered, moved to West 82nd Street and then to Park Avenue.
Never much of a student, Mr. Salinger, then known as Sonny, attended the progressive McBurney School on the Upper West Side. (He told the admissions office his interests were dramatics and tropical fish.) But he flunked out after two years and in 1934 was packed off to Valley Forge Military Academy, in Wayne, Pa., which became the model for Holden’s Pencey Prep. Like Holden, Mr. Salinger was the manager of the school fencing team, and he also became the literary editor of the school yearbook, Crossed Swords, and wrote a school song that was either a heartfelt pastiche of 19th-century sentiment or else a masterpiece of irony:
Hide not thy tears on this last day
Your sorrow has no shame;
To march no more midst lines of gray;
No longer play the game.
Four years have passed in joyful ways — Wouldst stay those old times dear?
Then cherish now these fleeting days,
The few while you are here.
In 1937, after a couple of unenthusiastic weeks at New York University, Mr. Salinger traveled with his father to Austria and Poland, where the father’s plan was for him to learn the ham business. Deciding that wasn’t for him, he returned to America and drifted through a term or so at Ursinus College in Collegeville, Pa. Fellow students remember him striding around campus in a black chesterfield with velvet collar and announcing that he was going to write the Great American Novel.
Mr. Salinger’s most sustained exposure to higher education was an evening class he took at Columbia in 1939, taught by Whit Burnett, and under Mr. Burnett’s tutelage he managed to sell a story, “The Young Folks,” to Story magazine. He subsequently sold stories to Esquire, Collier’s and The Saturday Evening Post — formulaic work that gave little hint of real originality.
In 1941, after several rejections, Mr. Salinger finally cracked The New Yorker, the ultimate goal of any aspiring writer back then, with a story, “Slight Rebellion Off Madison,” that was an early sketch of what became a scene in “The Catcher in the Rye.” But the magazine then had second thoughts, apparently worried about seeming to encourage young people to run away from school, and held the story for five years — an eternity even for The New Yorker — before finally publishing it in 1946, buried in the back of an issue.
Meanwhile Mr. Salinger had been drafted. He served with the Counter-Intelligence Corps of the Fourth Infantry Division, whose job was to interview Nazi deserters and sympathizers, and was stationed for a while in Tiverton, Devon, the setting of “For Esmé — with Love and Squalor,” probably the most deeply felt of the “Nine Stories.” On June 6, 1944, he landed at Utah Beach, and he later saw action during the Battle of the Bulge.
In 1945 he was hospitalized for “battle fatigue” — often a euphemism for a breakdown — and after recovering he stayed on in Europe past the end of the war, chasing Nazi functionaries. He married a German woman, very briefly — a doctor about whom biographers have been able to discover very little. Her name was Sylvia, Margaret Salinger said, but Mr. Salinger always called her Saliva.
A Different Kind of Writer
Back in New York, Mr. Salinger moved into his parents’ apartment and, having never stopped writing, even during the war, resumed his career. “A Perfect Day for Bananafish,” austere, mysterious and Mr. Salinger’s most famous and still most discussed story, appeared in The New Yorker in 1948 and suggested, not wrongly, that he had become a very different kind of writer. And like so many writers he eventually found in The New Yorker not just an outlet but a kind of home and developed a close relationship with the magazine’s editor, William Shawn, himself famously shy and agoraphobic — a kindred spirit. In 1961 Mr. Salinger dedicated “Franny and Zooey” to Shawn, writing, “I urge my editor, mentor and (heaven help him) closest friend, William Shawn, genius domus of The New Yorker, lover of the long shot, protector of the unprolific, defender of the hopelessly flamboyant, most unreasonably modest of born great artist-editors, to accept this pretty skimpy-looking book.”
As a young writer Mr. Salinger was something of a ladies’ man and dated, among others, Oona O’Neill, the daughter of Eugene O’Neill and the future wife of Charlie Chaplin. In 1953 he met Claire Douglas, the daughter of the British art critic Robert Langdon Douglas, who was then a 19-year-old Radcliffe sophomore who in many ways resembled Franny Glass (or vice versa); they were married two years later. (Ms. Douglas had married and divorced in the meantime.) Margaret was born in 1955, and Matthew, now an actor and film producer, was born in 1960. But the marriage soon turned distant and isolating, and in 1966, Ms. Douglas sued for divorce, claiming that “a continuation of the marriage would seriously injure her health and endanger her reason.”
The affair with Ms. Maynard, then a Yale freshman, began in 1972, after Mr. Salinger read an article she had written for The New York Times Magazine titled “An 18-Year-Old Looks Back on Life.” They moved in together but broke up abruptly after 10 months when Mr. Salinger said he had no desire for more children. For a while in the ’80s Mr. Salinger was involved with the actress Elaine Joyce, and late in that decade he married Colleen O’Neill, a nurse, who is considerably younger than he is. Not much is known about the marriage because Ms. O’Neill embraced her husband’s code of seclusion.
Besides his son, Matthew, Mr. Salinger is survived by Ms. O’Neill and his daughter, Margaret, as well as three grandsons. His literary agents said in a statement that “in keeping with his lifelong, uncompromising desire to protect and defend his privacy, there will be no service, and the family asks that people’s respect for him, his work and his privacy be extended to them, individually and collectively, during this time.”
“Salinger had remarked that he was in this world but not of it,” the statement said. “His body is gone but the family hopes that he is still with those he loves, whether they are religious or historical figures, personal friends or fictional characters.”
As for the fictional family the Glasses, Mr. Salinger had apparently been writing about them nonstop. Ms. Maynard said she saw shelves of notebooks devoted to the family. In Mr. Salinger’s fiction the Glasses first turn up in “A Perfect Day for Bananafish,” in which Seymour, the oldest son and family favorite, kills himself during his honeymoon. Characters who turn out in retrospect to have been Glasses appear glancingly in “Nine Stories,” but the family saga really begins to be elaborated upon in “Franny and Zooey,” “Raise High the Roof Beam” and “Hapworth,” the long short story, which is ostensibly a letter written by Seymour from camp when he is just 7 years old but already reading several languages and lusting after Mrs. Happy, wife of the camp owner.
Readers also began to learn about the parents, Les and Bessie, long-suffering ex-vaudevillians, and Seymour’s siblings Franny, Zooey, Buddy, Walt, Waker and Boo Boo; about the Glasses’ Upper West Side apartment; about the radio quiz show on which all the children appeared. Seldom has a fictional family been so lovingly or richly imagined.
Too lovingly, some critics complained. With the publication of “Franny and Zooey” even staunch Salinger admirers began to break ranks. John Updike wrote in The Times Book Review: “Salinger loves the Glasses more than God loves them. He loves them too exclusively. Their invention has become a hermitage for him. He loves them to the detriment of artistic moderation.” Other readers hated the growing streak of Eastern mysticism in the saga, as Seymour evolved, in successive retellings, from a suicidal young man into a genius, a sage, even a saint of sorts.
But writing in The New York Review of Books in 2001, Janet Malcolm argued that the critics had all along been wrong about Mr. Salinger, just as short-sighted contemporaries were wrong about Manet and about Tolstoy. The very things people complain about, Ms. Malcolm contended, were the qualities that made Mr. Salinger great. That the Glasses (and, by implication, their creator) were not at home in the world was the whole point, Ms. Malcolm wrote, and it said as much about the world as about the kind of people who failed to get along there.
遇到人生的關鍵時，我就會拿起《麥田捕手》，重新再讀一遍。它給我的不是勇氣、夢想，或任何積極而正向的鼓舞，而是某種被了解的寬慰。
再見了，麥田捕手，再也沒有人能同你這般描寫迷惘與失落。
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/29/books/29salinger.html?pagewanted=1&hp
J. D. Salinger, Literary Recluse, Dies at 91
By CHARLES McGRATH
Published: January 28, 2010
J. D. Salinger, who was thought at one time to be the most important American writer to emerge since World War II but who then turned his back on success and adulation, becoming the Garbo of letters, famous for not wanting to be famous, died on Wednesday at his home in Cornish, N.H., where he had lived in seclusion for more than 50 years. He was 91.
Mr. Salinger’s literary representative, Harold Ober Associates, announced the death, saying it was of natural causes. “Despite having broken his hip in May,” the agency said, “his health had been excellent until a rather sudden decline after the new year. He was not in any pain before or at the time of his death.”
Mr. Salinger’s literary reputation rests on a slender but enormously influential body of published work: the novel “The Catcher in the Rye,” the collection “Nine Stories” and two compilations, each with two long stories about the fictional Glass family: “Franny and Zooey” and “Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters and Seymour: An Introduction.”
“Catcher” was published in 1951, and its very first sentence, distantly echoing Mark Twain, struck a brash new note in American literature: “If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where I was born and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don’t feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.”
Though not everyone, teachers and librarians especially, was sure what to make of it, “Catcher” became an almost immediate best seller, and its narrator and main character, Holden Caulfield, a teenager newly expelled from prep school, became America’s best-known literary truant since Huckleberry Finn.
With its cynical, slangy vernacular voice (Holden’s two favorite expressions are “phony” and “goddam”), its sympathetic understanding of adolescence and its fierce if alienated sense of morality and distrust of the adult world, the novel struck a nerve in cold war America and quickly attained cult status, especially among the young. Reading “Catcher” used to be an essential rite of passage, almost as important as getting your learner’s permit.
The novel’s allure persists to this day, even if some of Holden’s preoccupations now seem a bit dated, and it continues to sell more than 250,000 copies a year in paperback. Mark David Chapman, who killed John Lennon in 1980, even said the explanation for his act could be found in the pages of “The Catcher in the Rye.” In 1974 Philip Roth wrote, “The response of college students to the work of J. D. Salinger indicates that he, more than anyone else, has not turned his back on the times but, instead, has managed to put his finger on whatever struggle of significance is going on today between self and culture.”
Many critics were more admiring of “Nine Stories,” which came out in 1953 and helped shape writers like Mr. Roth, John Updike and Harold Brodkey. The stories were remarkable for their sharp social observation, their pitch-perfect dialogue (Mr. Salinger, who used italics almost as a form of musical notation, was a master not of literary speech but of speech as people actually spoke it) and the way they demolished whatever was left of the traditional architecture of the short story — the old structure of beginning, middle, end — for an architecture of emotion, in which a story could turn on a tiny alteration of mood or irony. Mr. Updike said he admired “that open-ended Zen quality they have, the way they don’t snap shut.”
Mr. Salinger also perfected the great trick of literary irony — of validating what you mean by saying less than, or even the opposite of, what you intend. Orville Prescott wrote in The New York Times in 1963, “Rarely if ever in literary history has a handful of stories aroused so much discussion, controversy, praise, denunciation, mystification and interpretation.”
As a young man Mr. Salinger yearned ardently for just this kind of attention. He bragged in college about his literary talent and ambitions, and wrote swaggering letters to Whit Burnett, the editor of Story magazine. But success, once it arrived, paled quickly for him. He told the editors of Saturday Review that he was “good and sick” of seeing his photograph on the dust jacket of “The Catcher in the Rye” and demanded that it be removed from subsequent editions. He ordered his agent to burn any fan mail. In 1953 Mr. Salinger, who had been living on East 57th Street in Manhattan, fled the literary world altogether and moved to a 90-acre compound on a wooded hillside in Cornish. He seemed to be fulfilling Holden’s desire to build himself “a little cabin somewhere with the dough I made and live there for the rest of my life,” away from “any goddam stupid conversation with anybody.”
He seldom left, except occasionally to vacation in Florida or to visit William Shawn, the almost equally reclusive former editor of The New Yorker. Avoiding Mr. Shawn’s usual (and very public) table at the Algonquin Hotel, they would meet under the clock at the old Biltmore Hotel, the rendezvous for generations of prep-school and college students.
After Mr. Salinger moved to New Hampshire his publications slowed to a trickle and soon stopped completely. “Franny and Zooey” and “Raise High the Roof Beam,” both collections of material previously published in The New Yorker, came out in 1961 and 1963, and the last work of Mr. Salinger’s to appear in print was “Hapworth 16, 1924,” a 25,000-word story that took up most of the June 19, 1965, issue of The New Yorker.
In 1997 Mr. Salinger agreed to let Orchises Press, a small publisher in Alexandria, Va., bring out “Hapworth” in book form, but he backed out of the deal at the last minute. He never collected the rest of his stories or allowed any of them to be reprinted in textbooks or anthologies. One story, “Uncle Wiggily in Connecticut,” was turned into “My Foolish Heart,” a movie so bad that Mr. Salinger was never tempted to sell film rights again.
Befriended, Then Betrayed
In the fall of 1953 he befriended some local teenagers and allowed one of them to interview him for what he assumed would be an article on the high school page of a local paper, The Claremont Daily Eagle. The article appeared instead as a feature on the editorial page, and Mr. Salinger felt so betrayed that he broke off with the teenagers and built a six-and-a-half-foot fence around his property.
He seldom spoke to the press again, except in 1974 when, trying to fend off the unauthorized publication of his uncollected stories, he told a reporter from The Times: “There is a marvelous peace in not publishing. It’s peaceful. Still. Publishing is a terrible invasion of my privacy. I like to write. I love to write. But I write just for myself and my own pleasure.”
And yet the more he sought privacy, the more famous he became, especially after his appearance on the cover of Time in 1961. For years it was a sort of journalistic sport for newspapers and magazines to send reporters to New Hampshire in hopes of a sighting. As a young man Mr. Salinger had a long, melancholy face and deep soulful eyes, but now, in the few photographs that surfaced, he looked gaunt and gray, like someone in an El Greco painting. He spent more time and energy avoiding the world, it was sometimes said, than most people do in embracing it, and his elusiveness only added to the mythology growing up around him.
Depending on one’s point of view, he was either a crackpot or the American Tolstoy, who had turned silence itself into his most eloquent work of art. Some believed he was publishing under an assumed name, and for a while in the late 1970s, William Wharton, author of “Birdy,” was rumored to be Mr. Salinger, writing under another name, until it turned out that William Wharton was instead a pen name for the writer Albert du Aime.
In 1984 the British literary critic Ian Hamilton approached Mr. Salinger with the notion of writing his biography. Not surprisingly, Mr. Salinger turned him down, saying he had “borne all the exploitation and loss of privacy I can possibly bear in a single lifetime.” Mr. Hamilton went ahead anyway, and in 1986, Mr. Salinger took him to court to prevent the use of quotations and paraphrases from unpublished letters. The case went all the way to the Supreme Court, and to the surprise of many, Mr. Salinger eventually won, though not without some cost to his cherished privacy. (In June 2009 he also sued Fredrik Colting, the Swedish author and publisher of a novel said to be a sequel to “The Catcher in the Rye.” In July a federal judge indefinitely enjoined publication of the book.)
Mr. Salinger’s privacy was further punctured in 1998 and again in 2000 with the publication of memoirs by, first, Joyce Maynard — with whom he had a 10-month affair in 1973, when Ms. Maynard was a college freshman — and then his daughter, Margaret. Some critics complained that both women were trying to exploit and profit from their history with Mr. Salinger, and Mr. Salinger’s son, Matthew, wrote in a letter to The New York Observer that his sister had “a troubled mind,” and that he didn’t recognize the man portrayed in her account. Both books nevertheless added a creepy, Howard Hughesish element to the Salinger legend.
Mr. Salinger was controlling and sexually manipulative, Ms. Maynard wrote, and a health nut obsessed with homeopathic medicine and with his diet (frozen peas for breakfast, undercooked lamb burger for dinner). Ms. Salinger said that her father was pathologically self-centered and abusive toward her mother, and to the homeopathy and food fads she added a long list of other enthusiasms: Zen Buddhism, Vedanta Hinduism, Christian Science, Scientology and acupuncture. Mr. Salinger drank his own urine, she wrote, and sat for hours in an orgone box.
But was he writing? The question obsessed Salingerologists, and in the absence of real evidence, theories multiplied. He hadn’t written a word for years. Or, like the character in the Stanley Kubrick film “The Shining,” he wrote the same sentence over and over again. Or like Gogol at the end of his life, he wrote prolifically but then burned it all. Ms. Maynard said she believed there were at least two novels locked away in a safe, though she had never seen them.
Early Life
Jerome David Salinger was born in Manhattan on New Year’s Day, 1919, the second of two children. His sister, Doris, who died in 2001, was for many years a buyer in the dress department at Bloomingdale’s. Like the Glasses, the Salinger children were the product of a mixed marriage. Their father, Sol, was a Jew, the son of a rabbi, but sufficiently assimilated that he made his living importing both cheese and ham. Their mother, Marie Jillisch, was of Irish descent, born in Scotland, but changed her first name to Miriam to appease her in-laws. The family was living in Harlem when Mr. Salinger was born, but then, as Sol Salinger’s business prospered, moved to West 82nd Street and then to Park Avenue.
Never much of a student, Mr. Salinger, then known as Sonny, attended the progressive McBurney School on the Upper West Side. (He told the admissions office his interests were dramatics and tropical fish.) But he flunked out after two years and in 1934 was packed off to Valley Forge Military Academy, in Wayne, Pa., which became the model for Holden’s Pencey Prep. Like Holden, Mr. Salinger was the manager of the school fencing team, and he also became the literary editor of the school yearbook, Crossed Swords, and wrote a school song that was either a heartfelt pastiche of 19th-century sentiment or else a masterpiece of irony:
Hide not thy tears on this last day
Your sorrow has no shame;
To march no more midst lines of gray;
No longer play the game.
Four years have passed in joyful ways — Wouldst stay those old times dear?
Then cherish now these fleeting days,
The few while you are here.
In 1937, after a couple of unenthusiastic weeks at New York University, Mr. Salinger traveled with his father to Austria and Poland, where the father’s plan was for him to learn the ham business. Deciding that wasn’t for him, he returned to America and drifted through a term or so at Ursinus College in Collegeville, Pa. Fellow students remember him striding around campus in a black chesterfield with velvet collar and announcing that he was going to write the Great American Novel.
Mr. Salinger’s most sustained exposure to higher education was an evening class he took at Columbia in 1939, taught by Whit Burnett, and under Mr. Burnett’s tutelage he managed to sell a story, “The Young Folks,” to Story magazine. He subsequently sold stories to Esquire, Collier’s and The Saturday Evening Post — formulaic work that gave little hint of real originality.
In 1941, after several rejections, Mr. Salinger finally cracked The New Yorker, the ultimate goal of any aspiring writer back then, with a story, “Slight Rebellion Off Madison,” that was an early sketch of what became a scene in “The Catcher in the Rye.” But the magazine then had second thoughts, apparently worried about seeming to encourage young people to run away from school, and held the story for five years — an eternity even for The New Yorker — before finally publishing it in 1946, buried in the back of an issue.
Meanwhile Mr. Salinger had been drafted. He served with the Counter-Intelligence Corps of the Fourth Infantry Division, whose job was to interview Nazi deserters and sympathizers, and was stationed for a while in Tiverton, Devon, the setting of “For Esmé — with Love and Squalor,” probably the most deeply felt of the “Nine Stories.” On June 6, 1944, he landed at Utah Beach, and he later saw action during the Battle of the Bulge.
In 1945 he was hospitalized for “battle fatigue” — often a euphemism for a breakdown — and after recovering he stayed on in Europe past the end of the war, chasing Nazi functionaries. He married a German woman, very briefly — a doctor about whom biographers have been able to discover very little. Her name was Sylvia, Margaret Salinger said, but Mr. Salinger always called her Saliva.
A Different Kind of Writer
Back in New York, Mr. Salinger moved into his parents’ apartment and, having never stopped writing, even during the war, resumed his career. “A Perfect Day for Bananafish,” austere, mysterious and Mr. Salinger’s most famous and still most discussed story, appeared in The New Yorker in 1948 and suggested, not wrongly, that he had become a very different kind of writer. And like so many writers he eventually found in The New Yorker not just an outlet but a kind of home and developed a close relationship with the magazine’s editor, William Shawn, himself famously shy and agoraphobic — a kindred spirit. In 1961 Mr. Salinger dedicated “Franny and Zooey” to Shawn, writing, “I urge my editor, mentor and (heaven help him) closest friend, William Shawn, genius domus of The New Yorker, lover of the long shot, protector of the unprolific, defender of the hopelessly flamboyant, most unreasonably modest of born great artist-editors, to accept this pretty skimpy-looking book.”
As a young writer Mr. Salinger was something of a ladies’ man and dated, among others, Oona O’Neill, the daughter of Eugene O’Neill and the future wife of Charlie Chaplin. In 1953 he met Claire Douglas, the daughter of the British art critic Robert Langdon Douglas, who was then a 19-year-old Radcliffe sophomore who in many ways resembled Franny Glass (or vice versa); they were married two years later. (Ms. Douglas had married and divorced in the meantime.) Margaret was born in 1955, and Matthew, now an actor and film producer, was born in 1960. But the marriage soon turned distant and isolating, and in 1966, Ms. Douglas sued for divorce, claiming that “a continuation of the marriage would seriously injure her health and endanger her reason.”
The affair with Ms. Maynard, then a Yale freshman, began in 1972, after Mr. Salinger read an article she had written for The New York Times Magazine titled “An 18-Year-Old Looks Back on Life.” They moved in together but broke up abruptly after 10 months when Mr. Salinger said he had no desire for more children. For a while in the ’80s Mr. Salinger was involved with the actress Elaine Joyce, and late in that decade he married Colleen O’Neill, a nurse, who is considerably younger than he is. Not much is known about the marriage because Ms. O’Neill embraced her husband’s code of seclusion.
Besides his son, Matthew, Mr. Salinger is survived by Ms. O’Neill and his daughter, Margaret, as well as three grandsons. His literary agents said in a statement that “in keeping with his lifelong, uncompromising desire to protect and defend his privacy, there will be no service, and the family asks that people’s respect for him, his work and his privacy be extended to them, individually and collectively, during this time.”
“Salinger had remarked that he was in this world but not of it,” the statement said. “His body is gone but the family hopes that he is still with those he loves, whether they are religious or historical figures, personal friends or fictional characters.”
As for the fictional family the Glasses, Mr. Salinger had apparently been writing about them nonstop. Ms. Maynard said she saw shelves of notebooks devoted to the family. In Mr. Salinger’s fiction the Glasses first turn up in “A Perfect Day for Bananafish,” in which Seymour, the oldest son and family favorite, kills himself during his honeymoon. Characters who turn out in retrospect to have been Glasses appear glancingly in “Nine Stories,” but the family saga really begins to be elaborated upon in “Franny and Zooey,” “Raise High the Roof Beam” and “Hapworth,” the long short story, which is ostensibly a letter written by Seymour from camp when he is just 7 years old but already reading several languages and lusting after Mrs. Happy, wife of the camp owner.
Readers also began to learn about the parents, Les and Bessie, long-suffering ex-vaudevillians, and Seymour’s siblings Franny, Zooey, Buddy, Walt, Waker and Boo Boo; about the Glasses’ Upper West Side apartment; about the radio quiz show on which all the children appeared. Seldom has a fictional family been so lovingly or richly imagined.
Too lovingly, some critics complained. With the publication of “Franny and Zooey” even staunch Salinger admirers began to break ranks. John Updike wrote in The Times Book Review: “Salinger loves the Glasses more than God loves them. He loves them too exclusively. Their invention has become a hermitage for him. He loves them to the detriment of artistic moderation.” Other readers hated the growing streak of Eastern mysticism in the saga, as Seymour evolved, in successive retellings, from a suicidal young man into a genius, a sage, even a saint of sorts.
But writing in The New York Review of Books in 2001, Janet Malcolm argued that the critics had all along been wrong about Mr. Salinger, just as short-sighted contemporaries were wrong about Manet and about Tolstoy. The very things people complain about, Ms. Malcolm contended, were the qualities that made Mr. Salinger great. That the Glasses (and, by implication, their creator) were not at home in the world was the whole point, Ms. Malcolm wrote, and it said as much about the world as about the kind of people who failed to get along there.
2010年1月11日 星期一
2010年1月4日 星期一
十年(VIII)
在阿姆斯特丹的第二個晚上我見到了Wally。當時我正斜倚在薑子姐和Rob家的沙發上看著電視播的「全民公敵」。Rob正與一個瘦小的老頭在門口談話，之後請他進屋，從冰箱裡拿了瓶啤酒給他，然後幫我們引介。Wally有著一頭披散至肩的白髮和滿臉的大鬍子，衣著邋遢卻不至於骯髒，他步履有些蹣跚，行動不是很方便，以一個老人來說，他握手的手勁之大讓我嚇了一跳，而他微微欠身的周到禮貌則讓我有些不好意思起來。
「啊，Neil Young。他是我的好朋友。」Wally指著我T恤上的圖案說。我當這是一種特殊的荷式幽默，僅笑笑沒多什麼。Wally接著和Rob小聊了一陣，便告辭回去，臨走時我注意到他向Rob伸手，Rob塞了點錢給他。
我向Rob問起了這位老先生。「他的名字是Wally Tax，W要當作V發音，」Rob細心的解釋，這是我繼“dank”以後的第二堂荷語課。他接著跟我說Wally是荷蘭六０年代當紅的搖滾樂隊The Outsiders的主唱，可以說是當時荷蘭的披頭，彼時他一出門就被瘋狂的歌迷團團圍住，需要雇用數名保鏢幫他開道。之後Wally轉往美國發展，還拿了一座葛萊美獎。但後來日益嚴重的毒癮、酒癮與稅務問題使他一蹶不振。
「所以啦，他說他和Neil Young是朋友，這還挺有可能的。」
現在的Wally住在薑子姐和Rob家旁，Rob偶爾會買點東西帶給行動不太方便的他，Wally偶爾向他們討些小錢，手頭也不寬裕的他們卻不太拒絕，更不時請他喝啤酒或是抽根菸，這也解釋了為什麼不抽煙的他們家裡卻有菸灰缸以及滿滿的菸屁股。即便現在，Rob說，還是有許多歌迷從美國、亞洲等地專程前來，就為了見Wally。據說Kurt Cobain也是他的歌迷，還曾經表演過他的作品。驚愕之餘，我更因為沒有把握機會和這樣的搖滾傳奇人物多有接觸而感到扼腕，Rob塞給我一瓶啤酒，安慰我說反正Wally常來，接下來幾天一定有機會再見到他的。
「今天去哪裡玩啦？」嬌小的薑子姐這時推著自行車進門，Rob給了她一個大擁抱，「他怎麼啦？」薑子姐指著我問。
Rob報以一個無可奈何的笑。
當天晚上Rob從他的CD堆中翻出了一片Wally的個人作品“The Entertainer”，02年的作品，然而封面上的他看起來要比當晚的他年輕得多，而那詭譎的表情讓我想起Iggy Pop。我將那張專輯放進我的CD Player，在黑暗中躺在沙發床上靜靜地聽著Wally以帶著蒼涼和創痛的嗓音唱著：
I am an entertainer
Shit, I'm funny....
「啊，Neil Young。他是我的好朋友。」Wally指著我T恤上的圖案說。我當這是一種特殊的荷式幽默，僅笑笑沒多什麼。Wally接著和Rob小聊了一陣，便告辭回去，臨走時我注意到他向Rob伸手，Rob塞了點錢給他。
我向Rob問起了這位老先生。「他的名字是Wally Tax，W要當作V發音，」Rob細心的解釋，這是我繼“dank”以後的第二堂荷語課。他接著跟我說Wally是荷蘭六０年代當紅的搖滾樂隊The Outsiders的主唱，可以說是當時荷蘭的披頭，彼時他一出門就被瘋狂的歌迷團團圍住，需要雇用數名保鏢幫他開道。之後Wally轉往美國發展，還拿了一座葛萊美獎。但後來日益嚴重的毒癮、酒癮與稅務問題使他一蹶不振。
「所以啦，他說他和Neil Young是朋友，這還挺有可能的。」
現在的Wally住在薑子姐和Rob家旁，Rob偶爾會買點東西帶給行動不太方便的他，Wally偶爾向他們討些小錢，手頭也不寬裕的他們卻不太拒絕，更不時請他喝啤酒或是抽根菸，這也解釋了為什麼不抽煙的他們家裡卻有菸灰缸以及滿滿的菸屁股。即便現在，Rob說，還是有許多歌迷從美國、亞洲等地專程前來，就為了見Wally。據說Kurt Cobain也是他的歌迷，還曾經表演過他的作品。驚愕之餘，我更因為沒有把握機會和這樣的搖滾傳奇人物多有接觸而感到扼腕，Rob塞給我一瓶啤酒，安慰我說反正Wally常來，接下來幾天一定有機會再見到他的。
「今天去哪裡玩啦？」嬌小的薑子姐這時推著自行車進門，Rob給了她一個大擁抱，「他怎麼啦？」薑子姐指著我問。
Rob報以一個無可奈何的笑。
當天晚上Rob從他的CD堆中翻出了一片Wally的個人作品“The Entertainer”，02年的作品，然而封面上的他看起來要比當晚的他年輕得多，而那詭譎的表情讓我想起Iggy Pop。我將那張專輯放進我的CD Player，在黑暗中躺在沙發床上靜靜地聽著Wally以帶著蒼涼和創痛的嗓音唱著：
I am an entertainer
Shit, I'm funny....
隔天上午我沿著運河走到某間唱片行，老闆娘是個頭髮花白的婦女，我問她知不知道Wally，「當然知道呀，The Outsider在我們那個年代可紅的呢。Wally Tax是主唱，瘦小的傢伙，」她比畫了Wally的高度，然後戴上老花眼鏡，從一大落CD中翻出幾張The Outsiders的唱片，「Wally雖然瘦小，但可是號麻煩人物呢，典型的搖滾壞男孩。」
我看著那幾張唱片封面，不難辨認出年輕的Wally：他總是和所有人不同調，大家往東看，他就往西；樂隊的眾人站著，他就漠然地蹲在角落，彷彿不屬於他的樂隊、不屬於人群、甚至這個世界。
**** **** **** ****
阿姆斯特丹是我03年三城之旅的第一站。免費的住宿和合法的大麻是吸引我來到此地的主要原因，然而前幾天我只享受到前者，包含薑子姐和Rob的真誠款待。早餐Rob都會多幫我擠一杯新鮮的柳橙汁，然後放上Rufus Wainwright的Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk：
Cigarettes and chocolate milk
These are just a couple of my cravings
Everything it seems I like is a little bit stronger,
a little bit thicker, a little bit harmful for me……
睡眼惺忪的薑子姐就在廚房的流理台簡單梳洗，紮個馬尾出門。相當真實又帶著單純的美好的晨間光景。而這首Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk一直到現在都是我最喜愛的Rufus Wainwright的曲子，很長一段時間我也用這首歌當作起床號。
阿姆斯特丹是一個非常小的城市，三天之內該去的地方都去過了：運河、A片博物館、煎餅、紅燈區、梵谷美術館、海尼根總部、肯德基（我承認那不是荷蘭特產，但在那裡我才領略三塊雞套餐與沾美乃滋的薯條是多麼地美好）。唯有大麻我一直還沒試，不曾抽過煙且生性怯懦的男子如我，只能走過一間又一間放著大聲雷鬼音樂、昏暗且瀰漫大麻味的「咖啡館」，卻總無法提起勇氣進去。
「明天，明天我一定去，不然就白來了。」薑子姐與Rob也鼓勵我試試看，「不然吃大麻蛋糕好了，對沒抽煙習慣的人來說反而可以更high。」Rob說。但我要的不是high，而是「抽」大麻這個「行為」，那才能讓我像個搖滾樂手呀；「吃蛋糕」？！拜託，那只會讓我看起來像是個窩囊且過胖的小學生而已。
接下來幾天我見過幾次Wally，但他總來去匆匆，時而只在門口和Rob談幾句，時而跑進來抽根煙拿瓶酒咕噥幾句便離開，我只得繼續懷著那些準備好要跟他攀談的台詞，期待下次能派上用場。
在阿姆斯特丹的最後一個午後，我終於試了一根大麻，結果是我在風光明媚的運河邊，抱著垃圾桶狂吐，彷彿自己的胃都要吐出來的那種猛烈吐法。除了嘔吐以外，我根本沒有接近於喜悅的反應，也別說high了。只有在回薑子姐與Rob家的路上，電車到了我們三人昨晚買冰淇淋的小店時，我突然很想吃冰淇淋，完全無法遏抑的強烈食慾襲來，於是原本癱軟在位子上的我隨即由行進中的電車跳下，穿越馬路，買了一球香草冰淇淋，然後搖搖晃晃地回到住所。
「我試了第一根大麻，」我躺在沙發床上吃著冰淇淋，跟進門的Rob說，「老天。」他看到我的狀況後，搬了把椅子坐在我身邊，細心地看護著我。隔了一會兒Wally也來了，「他試了第一根大麻，」Rob跟Wally說，「老天。」他的反應和Rob一模一樣，也搬了一把椅子坐到我身邊，那時我才約略意識到自己可能看起來有點糟。
「我爸抽大麻抽的可兇了，」Wally說，「你知道，大部分的人抽大麻，都是一群人分享一根，傳著抽，」他用手比劃了一下，「但我爸可是每次都一個人抽一根；不只如此他一天得抽上十幾二十根。」
「老天。」我說，想要接著這話題跟他攀談，然後，我就睡著了。
醒來的時候已經天黑，坐在我身邊的人換成薑子姐和Rob。那時候我已經可以辨認出人們臉上那「他試了第一根大麻，老天。」的表情。睡醒以後的我感覺好多了，但還是懶洋洋的，於是我婉拒了薑子姐和Rob當晚至附近聽爵士樂的邀。，他們要出去時Wally又上門了，「那就由我來陪陪這位小朋友吧。」
Wally拿了罐啤酒坐到我身邊，像是再自然也不過地問我能不能給他一些錢，我將牛仔褲裡的零錢全都掏出來給了他。他看起來很開心，點了一根菸。我跟他說我睡到剛剛，到現在頭腦還有點昏昏沈沈的。
「能睡著真好。我從來沒真正地睡過覺，」Wally羨慕地說，「我想這跟我媽有關。」他母親在二次大戰時被抓入納粹集中營，當時所有女人被帶到廣場上，納粹命令她們把衣服全脫了，在廣場上奔跑，然後他們便向這群赤身裸體的女性開槍掃射。他母親存活了下來，但從此再也無法成眠，並且經常半夜發出淒厲的慘叫。受此影響，Wally從小就沒辦法躺在床上好好睡上一覺，「我無法入睡，到後來則是完全不需要睡眠，我不停地抽大麻，配上酒精，累的時候就坐著打個盹。」
我們聊起搖滾樂。他講起那些神明般的人物，就像許久不見的老同事：Neil Young是個很棒的人，有個愛他且支持他的美滿家庭，只是這些年他的頸椎病變越來越嚴重；Jimi Hendrix曾經和他一起Jam過，是個很不錯的傢伙，就是喝太多酒、用太多藥、睡太多女人了；他為Eric Clapton不幸痛失愛子感到無比的同情，這麼好的人不應該有這樣的遭遇；The Rolling Stones？這幫傢伙可是老朋友啦，當年他們可是一起表演、也一起廝混過，「前幾天Mick才和我聯絡呢。」我說我前陣子才在倫敦看了他們的演唱會，覺得Mick Jagger聲音的狀況不太好，「他們發聲都錯誤了，」Wally和我分析怎樣才是正確的歌唱技巧：不應該用喉嚨去唱，而要善用丹田的力量，「像Mick那樣唱法，加上大量的菸、酒和藥物，嗓子不壞才怪。」
「那Bob Dylan呢？你認識他吧？」我興奮地問。
「他是個混蛋，」Wally說，「他說很欣賞我的作品，他來荷蘭的時候我們見過幾次面。你知道他最大的問題是什麼嗎？」他喝了口啤酒，吸了口菸，「當你是個搖滾巨星時，大家都會把你當作神；而他最大的問題，就是他把自己當作神。而這也讓他成了個不折不扣的混蛋。」
又喝了幾瓶啤酒後Wally才回去。他說他那邊有一些和Kurt Cobain合作的錄音，他回去翻一翻，再請Rob寄給我。他和我握手道別，祝我後續的旅程一路順風，然後一跛一跛地消失在門口。
**** **** **** ****
Rob告知了我Wally的死訊。當時薑子姐、Rob和我坐在信義區的某金融大樓的階梯上吃著剛出爐的麵包，沒有太多的哀傷與不捨，只有像是畫質不好的DVD播放時偶爾會出現的短暫停頓。
“It’s better to burn out than to fade away.”對搖滾樂手來說，死亡彷彿是一種華麗的謝幕。於是有了神秘的符碼如27、od、.38、12/8、DOA，以及如密西西比河、巴黎蒙帕那斯公墓、紐約中央公園等朝聖的地點。樂迷們熟記並感嘆、讚美許許多多年輕即燃燒殆盡的生命。
然而我目睹了一個fade away的老靈魂。我從來也沒有機會查證Wally所說的一切，我無法得知究竟他和那些搖滾神祉是否相熟，更沒有收到那些他宣稱和Kurt Cobain合作的錄音，我沒有他的簽名，我們也沒有合照；而我能給予他的，也就是當時牛仔褲右邊口袋的一把零錢、短暫的聆聽與崇拜。
或許Wally和我，就是具體而微的樂手和樂迷的關係吧。
又或許搖滾樂手就像我們的夢想：有的成就輝煌，有的短暫卻燦爛炫目，然而更多的則是隨著時間和現實環境，漸漸地凋零、默默地消逝，直到無人聞問。
那天和阿茲聊到20歲時的夢想，「當搖滾樂手！開唱片行！」講出來以後覺得有些蠢，頗難為情；30歲的志向可就實際了些，少了些樂趣，還有些不是靠自己獨立能完成的。
然而2009年4月3日的那個夜晚，當燈光亮起、吉他響起、場館的地板隨著眾人的跳動而波動時，那一瞬間我的夢想彷彿實現了。
I live my life for the stars that shine
People say it's just a waste of time
When they said I should feed my head
That to me was just a day in bed
I'll take my car and drive real far
They're not concerned about the way we are
In my mind my dreams are real
Now you concerned about the way I feel
Tonight, I'm a rock n roll star!
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